US player Alex Morgan “wasn’t pretending to drink tea but offering to give British men a blow-job” according to close-up footage

Written by Cleopatra Chaos

Saturday, 6 July 2019

image for US player Alex Morgan “wasn’t pretending to drink tea but offering to give British men a blow-job” according to close-up footage
Alex Morgan "teases Britain for its boring ice cream"

America’s 2-1 win over England on Tuesday may have been a blow to British men and women, but there’s a silver lining in the cloud. Football experts who watched Alex Morgan’s strange hand gesture after the game have confirmed that she wasn’t “pretending to drink tea” as she and other observers have claimed. She was, in fact, offering to provide free fellatio to British men-folk.

The revelation came after a team of referees watched slow-motion footage of Morgan’s hand movement over several hours. One of them said, “We noticed that there was considerable wrist movement, which doesn’t occur when someone drinks a cup of tea. Her hand moved up and down. If a tea-drinker did that, they’d probably drop their cup. Finally, she opened her mouth during the gesture. When people drink tea, they purse their lips. The opening of the mouth alone told us that she was simulating giving oral sex on British men. The other evidence corroborated it.”

He added: "It was like blowing a kiss, but sexier. And it suggests that American men don't have the tackle for her mouth games."

Morgan has been criticised by other football players for mocking the English squad, but it now looks like her gesture was an own goal.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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