Written by Dave Henry

Saturday, 26 May 2018

image for Worthless Piece of Crap Has Another Terrible Game
This is a basketball court on which people play basketball.

Jalen McGee of the Cleveland Cavaliers had another terrible game Friday night in the NBA Eastern Conference playoffs.

"Jalen brought suck to a new level Friday night," said McGee's teammate LeBron James. "If you look up worthless piece of crap in the dictionary, you will see a picture of Jalen," James added.

Cavaliers coach Tyronn Lue said McGee does absolutely nothing for the team when he enters the game. In fact, he makes every one depressed by his terrible play.

"The fans get depressed, the players get depressed, the coaches get depressed, I get depressed," said Lue. "It's just such a horrible experience to watch this man play basketball."

Fans are known to throw themselves over the railings and engage in other acts of self-mutilation when McGee enters the game. Others run to the concession stands to load up on alcohol to numb the pain of watching him play.

When asked why he even plays McGee if he's such a bad player, Lue spoke in hushed tones.

"As bad a basketball player as he is, he's an even more pathetic human being," said Lue. "If he doesn't play, he starts whining and crying and acting like a baby. Then he gets all dark and starts punching himself in the face on the bench, calling himself stupid and worthless. It's very bizarre behavior."

Lue said he's afraid McGee will hurt himself or someone else if he doesn't play him. "I don't want that on my conscience," the coach said.

LeBron said McGee has a horrible personality and no one on the team likes him.

"Quite frankly, he's a jerk. I hate the guy," said LeBron, who added that McGee’s parents don’t even like him.

James also called McGee smelly, ugly, and stupid.

"He emits a foul odor. I literally get physically ill at the mere sight of him," added LeBron. “I hope he dies alone and penniless.”

The Cavs take on the Celtics in game 7 Sunday night.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Basketball, NBA

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