NASA lands first pork faggots on Mars

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Saturday, 6 March 2021

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The North American Sausage Association (NASA) have achieved another first - landing the first pork faggots on another planet. They are also the first sausage-like product of any type to visit another world.

The triumph is thanks to butcher Geoff Gristle, of Chaffinch St Cock, England, who persuaded NASA to include the fatty treats. The meat-loving gastronaut had some difficulties getting them on board.

"I wrote an email to NASA years ago, asking if I could put my faggots on board, but they never replied. Then I sent 74 more and, thankfully, my pigheadedness paid off and I got a reply. Apparently faggots mean something else in America," he chortled. "But I'm just glad that my offal balls made it to Mars."

The race has been surprisingly tight in recent years. In 2016, the European Space Agency attempted to land a salami on the red planet, but it was incinerated on landing.

Rocket scientist Werner von Bratwurst explained, "The hardest part of landing a spacecraft is ensuring that the on-board sausages are cooked adequately. We will never survive long in space until we can master that."

A Japanese spacecraft is due to land a fish sausage called a kamaboko on Mars in 2022, as well as the first karaoke machine to reach the deserted planet.

"The space race has come a long way since I smuggled a miniature hot dog onto the moon in my underwear," said retired astronaut Buzz Aldrin.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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