GPS To Get Major Upgrade

Funny story written by ExiledRoyal

Saturday, 22 August 2020

image for GPS To Get Major Upgrade
I Said 'Take A Right' You Dozy Git

For the past six months, the government have attempted to walk a narrow road between keeping people safe, and ensuring that the economy is protected.

Today, Boris Johnson announced a major shift in the use of SatNavs in vehicles, and has linked it with a drive to ensure that unemployment is tackled.

In his usual staccato, hard-to-understand manner, the Prime Minister told the BBC: "We're planning to ... ENSURE ... that we have FULL ... EMPLOYMENT ... as soon as the end of ... NEXT WEEK. I have PERSONALLY ... spoken to the ... CEOs of ... Garmin and TomTom ... and we have ... BOUGHT THEM OUT."

Boris went on to tell BBC anchor Mike Rowphown that, in order to create thousands of new jobs, they would be replacing all Garmin and TomTom SatNavs with real people who sit in the back seat with a map and shout directions at the driver.

"THIS MEANS ... that we'll be able to ... EMPLOY ... SEVENTY thousand ... men, women and ... CHILDREN ... almost immediately," the PM told Rowphown.

For a nominal fee, drivers will be able to ask for navigators who can mimic Homer Simpson, or an 18-rated Ozzy Osbourne.

The government will also be providing a special service for the over 75s. The Back-Seat Navigator will not only provide directions, but will also remind the driver why they're travelling in the first place.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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