Team to produce the Gagatron 8-bit computer

Written by Purple Girl

Monday, 2 March 2020

image for Team to produce the Gagatron 8-bit computer
Team that wants to silence free speech is building a retro computer.

Two men are creating a new 8-bit computer platform called the Gagatron. It uses TTL and CMOS logic. The goal of the project is not really to produce a computer in the spirit of open hardware, but to silence those they disagree with, and to attack free speech.

According to Michael Bergenheimer, "We allow anyone to join our discussion forums, but they must not criticize our platform anywhere on the web, and they must not even as much as joke anywhere on the web, under any screen name, in a politically incorrect manner. We don't care how well you can wire or code, just so long as you are perfect."

According to Willam Bradbert, the other co-founder, "We will not associate with any white person unless they are self-hating and have no desire to defend or promote their culture. Shoving our views down the throats of others is more important than to create a good neo-vintage computer."

Their neo-vintage computer adds one feature not present in older systems: it has a brain scanner designed to monitor the private thoughts of the user, and it applies electric shocks to the user if the thoughts are not politically correct.

Critics say that the computer's name is appropriate, but think that they are using the wrong medium to express their thoughts.

According to computer enthusiast, Keith Jones, "They forget that the transistor was invented by a known racist. So, anyone trying to silence those trying to bring advances to the world merely because they have a private belief is a hypocrite. Had a racist not invented the transistor, they'd be building their computer out of vacuum tubes. Their own attitude is no better than those with anti-gay and anti-transsexual bigotries. We wouldn't have a lot of our computer principles if it weren't for a gay British man, nor would we have VLSI and superscalar architecture if it weren't for a transsexual woman."

When asked if he was equating racism with sexual and gender orientations, Jones added, "You might say that nobody is born a racist, and that might be true. However, no man is born with a penis in his mouth, or wearing a dress either."

When Jones was asked if he had an account on the Gagatron's site, he said that he was preemptively banned, and could not start an account there. According to Jones, "I'm willing to try their site and give them a chance, despite my preconceptions that they are fascists and self-hating racists, but they are not willing to give me a chance."

According to the television psychologist, Dr. Frank, "Folks such as the computer developers have a lot of internalized racism and self-hate, so they are bigoted against people they perceive as racists. For them, even a good-natured joke that makes fun of racism sets them off, and they are quick to paint them as racists. They've sublimated and redirected their racist desires by hating those they see as fascists, so when they go terribly wrong inside, they will stomp a 'racist' to death when they'd rather be stomping a member of an ethnic minority. They deliberately set up their own lives where they must attack those who are most like them in order to succeed."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more