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Sessions hunts "Swamp Thing"

Funny story: Sessions hunts "Swamp Thing"

Washington DC - Senator Sessions got out his guitar, got together with his boys in the garage to celebrate his confirmation with a brand new set of Lyrics for "Wild Thing", reproduced below. He and the boys cranked it up so loud the swamp things got all agitated like. Swamp thing, you make my pigeon sing You make everything a felony, swamp thing Swamp , I think I hate you But I wanna kno...

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The Uncontainable Fukushima Song

Funny story: The Uncontainable Fukushima Song

Fukushima as sung by Pairee Komokazee Uncontainable The radiation's very high It's uncontainable Uncontainable Ask a widow not to cry It's uncontainable Can I hold your mutant tumor And not feel you dying with me? Split the atom That I never think of death Oh, uncontainable! Will the ocean Keep on glowing on the shore? It's uncontainable If I ate fish Could I die forever...

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Apple moves manufacturing to the United States

Funny story: Apple moves manufacturing to the United States

China - A letter addressed to TheSpoof.com from Steve Jobs was opened and published below this morning. Marked to be opened upon the event of my demise, the letter was opened in our news department and solemnly committed to print. To my managers and board of directors. It is time to move our manufacturing back to the United States. By the time you read this, the United States will be struggl...

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Golf tips you know are true that buck the "Pro"

Funny story: Golf tips you know are true that buck the "Pro"

You have taken golf lessons. For sure the teacher is appalled at your technique. Of course. Your methods are dangerously good. He fears for his superiority. Here are some common 'lessons' handed down just to make sure your game does not reach the level of your teacher. * Just swing your arms Yeah right. You have too much power. Your teacher fears you. He does not want you to hit it f...

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Elite Times Coming

Funny story: Elite Times Coming

Election Update Our money is working in America. The serfs are responding to our propaganda, actually believing that they voted for someone who "loves to fire people" at a time when almost all of them are underemployed, unemployed, or starving. Soft-kill pogrom Aspartame continues to blind, kill, and fatten the stupidest of the serfs while radiation from our Fukushima operation is working wond...

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Banking System Understood by Joe the Soda Jerk

PARKER, Colorado - Joe the Soda Jerk, of Woolpuke's Drugs, had explained to a large crowd of reporters Saturday, 31 January 2009 , exactly what was going on in the banking world under the opaque TARP - where the money was really going. "Let's say your a banker. You make money by sticking a straw up people and sucking out what ever is inside, aspartame, blood, whatever they got. "Well, one da...

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TIME .. TIME .. TIME

Funny story: TIME .. TIME .. TIME

HOW TO DIE How to die. That is the question posed by the nation's magazine. But, is it: TIME TO DIE It probably is if you are an establishment news magazine that feeds people propaganda that is no longer believed by people capable of reading for themselves on the internet what is happening. That is why TheSpoof.com says TIME TO LIVE Time to enjoy some humor. SO, forget about dy...

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Mother of Defacelika virus author speaks

Funny story: Mother of Defacelika virus author speaks

MIAMI FL - Dr. Echeeks mother, Jane, finally agreed to talk to TheSpoof.com when we bribed her with a bottle of gin. The in-depth interview sheds some light into the life and times of Dr. Echeeks. AB: What was the first sign that your son was troubled? Jane: Well, he used to set ants on fire with a Fresnel lens. Then he would bend down and inhale the smoke. He kept doing this till he would...

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Signs you are about to be attacked by a drone

Funny story: Signs you are about to be attacked by a drone

These days, the air is filled with drones, buzzing about in search of their assigned targets. The obvious question is, how can you tell when there is a drone with your name in it? After doing extensive research on this topic, I have a prepared a list of the ten most reliable indicators that you may be about to be stung by a drone: 1. You get a lot of calls from "pdr2". 2. You hear mosqui...

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WWIII avoided for now

Funny story: WWIII avoided for now

WASHINGTON DC - The President has calmed the Chinese military who had been ready to attack the United States, as previously reported Our mole in the White House communications room has intercepted this diplomatic communication, addressed to the Chinese Communist Chairmen: Dear China, Sorry, I did not mean to call my dog something that was so offensive. Must be the diet soda I had been dr...

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Brussels sprouts to save the Euro

Funny story: Brussels sprouts to save the Euro

BRUSSELS - Hate Brussels sprouts? You'll really hate Brussels punishment for lack of budgetary discipline. That's right. According to our mole, a janitor at the conference, leaders of the European Central Bank have come up with the ultimate punishment for governments that do not pay back their loans. Germany was pushing for firing squad. The French were pushing the guilloti...

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"Why we must learn to love humans" speech nabbed at Bilderberger convention

Funny story: "Why we must learn to love humans" speech nabbed at Bilderberger convention

Bilderbergerville, Switzerland - A maid at the convention here has purloined a copy of one of the addresses at the convention. According to our source, the maid, she made her own copy of this and is willing to risk publication. The text follows: June is the thick of the wedding season. Maybe also the time that we feel a sneaking admiration for, say, the evicted, and their tenacious powers o...

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G8 draft threatens Syria with IN action

Funny story: G8 draft threatens Syria with IN action

DEADVILLE, France (Rooters) - A daft statement by G8 leaders on Friday said "we will consider inaction in the United Nations Security Council" if Syria does not stop using force against protesters who refuse to wear g-strings. "We call on the Syrian leadership immediately to stop using force and intimidation against the Syrian people who refuse to wear g-strings. "We will do absolutely noth...

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Kissinger to lead US ground invasion of Libya

Funny story: Kissinger to lead US ground invasion of Libya

New York - Wearing an 80 pound back pack and carrying an M16, Dr. Henry Kissinger was last seen boarding a military transport bound for the staging area (classified location) for the Libya invasion. Just prior to departing, Dr. Kissinger, panting from the exertion at his advanced age, held a brief press conference on the tarmac. His statement is given below. For years we have tried...

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Local Mechanic has Fukushima fix

Funny story: Local Mechanic has Fukushima fix

Egg Harbor, N.J. - A Mr. Ronald Cole, of Egg Harbor, walked into our news room today and announced that he had the solution to stop the leak at Fukushima. "They'll never stop it with the diapers and bath salts they've been using. You can bet your bippy on that one," Ron laughed at me, sucking on his pipe. When I asked Ron what he would do he told me it was simple. "It's simple, chief.

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Japanese quake has surprising benefits

Funny story: Japanese quake has surprising benefits

Tokyo - Chief Cabinet Secretary Yuk E. Dano told told reporters at a press conference this afternoon that radioactive materials released from Japanese reactors are not harmful to human health. "It's like our rice. Our rice does not make you fat. Just look at our people. Like our rice, our radioactive materials are good for you. They make you healthy. People pay a lot of money to get radiat...

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Obama grips Castro's brother in his teeth

Funny story: Obama grips Castro's brother in his teeth

As previously reported, Obama had threatened to bite 'Now he's done it' "Now he's done it", hissed Hillary Clinton, Secretary of State, to me as I began to take stock of the rapidly developing emergency in the Capital. "He's bitten the wrist of Fidel's brother, what's his name, and he won't let go. Darn, I know that name, I am just too upset!" Hillary then ran off to to talk to the swat...

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Chair Caning Workshop at the 4-H club tonight

Funny story: Chair Caning Workshop at the 4-H club tonight

PARKER, CO - Come out to the Grange tonight and learn the art of chair caning this evening from 7 p.m. to 11 p.m. in the main hall, invites 4-H club president, Mr. Unsbey Tingsey. The workshop is open to the public. Come early and either borrow a chair, or bring your own chair. If you bring $50.00, you can get your first pick. There will plenty of cane for everyone. This type of caning o...

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The frenzy over aspartame at FDA is ended

WASHINGTON DC - Food expert, and FDA spokesperson, Dr. Strangedeath issued the following press release in response to speculation that the FDA would soon take on a less menacing stance. This press release was issued at noon, February 9, 2009, and is reproduced here in part, starting with the section on aspartame. Methanol - Aspartame is the most searched for item on food packages around th...

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Banking System Explained by Joe the Soda Jerk

Funny story: Banking System Explained by Joe the Soda Jerk

PARKER, Colorado - Joe the Soda Jerk, of Woolpuke's Drugs, explained to a large crowd of reporters at 9am today, exactly what is going on in the banking world under the opaque TARP - where the money is really going. "Let's say your a banker. You make money by sticking a straw up people and sucking out what ever is inside, aspartame, blood, whatever they got. "Well, one day, you get it all.

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Dear Uncle Aspartame: Is aspartame bad for me?

Funny story: Dear Uncle Aspartame: Is aspartame bad for me?

DEAR Uncle Aspartame, For many years I have used Aparatame to sweeten my grits instead of sugar. I love it so much and it makes me feel so good. People have me scared out of my noddle with the stories they tell me about how dangerous aspartame is. How can our government allow the public to use something so deadly? The same people tell me the government gets kickbacks from the maker's of a...

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Misspelling Methanol Myths

Funny story: Misspelling Methanol Myths

LONDON, England - Defrocked Corporate Priest, Neurela U. Semen, clears up what's healthy and what's not. "There's so many confusing headlines out there whenever you search the news on aspartame; some say you should be avoiding or afraid of it; it really has mixed up people rather than helped them eat a healthy diet," she said. Myth: Good foods are healthier than bad foods. According to my br...

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