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Chancellor writes to Bob Diamond of Barclays to apologise for £290million fine

Funny story: Chancellor writes to Bob Diamond of Barclays to apologise for £290million fine

Thanks to our contacts at the new News International business "Phonetaps'R'Us", located round the back of Fairfax Bus Station, I was exclusively sent a copy of a letter, which my gum-rubbing informant claims was sent to the Chief Executive of Barclays Bank, Bob Diamond, from the Chancellor yesterday. Dear Bob Trusting you and yours are well. Listen mate. Sorry the Financially Stupid Asse...

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New protocols announced following Irish Royal visit

Funny story: New protocols announced following Irish Royal visit

Following on from the Royal visit to Ireland, Buckingham Palace has announced a number of protocols in relation to future visits by H M The Queen. The chief lady in waiting, Lady Huriup-Imlate, said, that from now on, people who meet Her Majesty: 1. Must not touch Her Majesty, even for "some small change for a cup of tea" and should certainly never try to sell her a copy of 'The Big Issue'...

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Bank of England Governor's letter to the Chancellor

Funny story: Bank of England Governor's letter to the Chancellor

Following the announcement that CPI inflation in the UK in the 12 months to April was 4.5% per cent, the Bank has published a letter from the Governor to the Chancellor, as required by policy. The letter is reproduced below: Bank of England London EC2R 8AH The Rt Hon George Osborne Chancellor of the Exchequer HM Treasury 1 Horse Guards Road London SW1A 2HQ Dear Chancellor As you w...

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Ten Commandments have at last been updated

Funny story: Ten Commandments have at last been updated

The town of Devil's Advocate in Cornwall was the venue for the log-awaited re-launch of the Ten Commandments. At the press reception held in the Heaven and Hell Bar to make the announcement, the Permanent Secretary of CUC (Commandments Updating Committee), Mr G. Odd, set out the government's timetable for the proposed changeover in all houses of worship throughout the land. Launching the upd...

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Some further Wikileaks released today

Funny story: Some further Wikileaks released today

Well, the Wikileaks just keep on coming! In a new revelation that was declared brand new, some new leaks have been Wikied: President Ihavea Nodinnajaquet of Iran: A 2009 cable between the USA and the rest of the world (except Iran) declared that the president was actually as crazy of a box of frogs. On fire. And without legs. Ann Widdecombe, star of scream and stage, is in the running to...

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New university courses in Tehran announced

Funny story: New university courses in Tehran announced

The Chancellor of Tehran University, Ayatollah Barkingmad announced today that the University is coming back into the 19th century with the offer of a trench of new courses to enlighten the ignorant. BSc in shoe throwing This three-year course guides the student as to how best get value for money from their shoe-throwing activities. There is advice on the best type of shoes suitable for thro...

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New range of items from the Susan Boyle "SuBo" Collection

Funny story: New range of items from the Susan Boyle "SuBo" Collection

Susan Boyle, runner up in the UK Britain's Got Talent banking division of the Syco corporation, has announced a new range of items being marketed under the SuBo brand name. Available from tomorrow, the range includes some vital items for today's modern woman, including: SuBo Tights - a range of patterned support stockings SuBo Pinny - a brightly coloured pinafore for cooking those dreadfu...

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"That" published British National Party membership list in full

Funny story: "That" published British National Party membership list in full

As the BNP goes to court against a disaffected former HQ member who published the names, addresses and occupations of BNP members on the internet, we again publish those details in the interests of public service, and of course, for a laugh. Hugh Himmler - Director of BNP election leaflet stapling and envelope licking. Former IRA internment H-Block guard turned ballet dancer. Hobbies and intere...

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A day in the life of Peaches Geldof - from her biography

Funny story: A day in the life of Peaches Geldof - from her biography

Steddyeddy, who has not approached Peaches Geldof to write her biography, has nevertheless taken time from his slating shedule to bring Spoof Fans an exclusive extract. If you don't want to see the result, turn away NOW! Chapter 5 (as high as the poor girl can count without the aid of a computer). As a 14 year old, when Bob was busy saving the world, Peaches was happy to spend the day with h...

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From the Oxymoron Society

Funny story: From the Oxymoron Society

I felt it would be appropriate to share the following oxymorons with you all: OXYMORONS Act naturally Found missing Resident alien Advanced BASIC Genuine imitation Safe sex Airline food Good grief Same difference Almost exactly Government organization Sanitary landfill Alone together Legally drunk Silent scream British fashion Living dead Small crowd Business ethics Soft r...

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Letter to Chancellor Mr Dahling

Funny story: Letter to Chancellor Mr Dahling

Dear Mr Dahling (sic) Trusting this letter finds you and the Government keeping well. One can only sit back and hope that the Exchequer enjoys the millions of pounds it receives each day from the Great British Motorist, who, as time marches on, becomes more and more disenfranchised with successive Governments. You may have ended 14 years of Tory rule the same (well approximately the same) nu...

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The Steddyeddy Awards to Industry

Funny story: The Steddyeddy Awards to Industry

These are the special "Value for Money" awards you have been waiting for - Steddyeddy's dedication to those businesses/organisations who in turn are solidly dedicated to .......... ripping you, their public, off. Of course, the main people to blame for the high prices are people like YOU, people who pay silly prices for silly things, allowing companies and firms to overcharge and provide extremely...

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Definitions beginning with "S"

Funny story: Definitions beginning with "S"

Definitions - "S" "Social Diarist" - over-egoed and seriously rich and seriously minor Celeb who obtains their own column in a prominent position within one of the high circulation newspapers. Quite obviously didn't get the job through either literary or journalistic talents - either daddy is extremely top-heavy wallet-wise, they know a thing or two about casting couches, they were slung out o...

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Rabbi Lionel Blue speaks

Funny story: Rabbi Lionel Blue speaks

Hello John, Hello Sue, Hello Billy, Hello Bobby, Hello Readers. I was watching the Olympic Games last night and realised that there are three medal positions. I thought to myself, this must be because they are unsure who the winner of an Olympic Game is, so they give three out just, as the Irish would say, to be sure, to be sure, to be sure. The Olympic Games are really great for sport. They...

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A guide to computer viruses

Funny story: A guide to computer viruses

Fern Britten Virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB. Jonathan Ross Virus: Not much use but still manages to get money out of your computer BT Virus: Every three minutes tells you what great service you are getting. Virgin Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the BT virus. Politically Correct Viru...

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Alternative Zoe Heller - Diary

Funny story: Alternative Zoe Heller - Diary

Written to the editor of the Sunday Times to demonstrate that I, like some of his regular contributors, could also write absolute drivel. Main problem being I don't get paid for it.

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Campbell the Hedghog

Funny story: Campbell the Hedghog

Campbell the Hedghog arrived home tyred (sic) and flat. Well he had, after all, been run over by a car.

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Understanding Your MP

Funny story: Understanding Your MP

With a general election soon to be in the offing, when the run-up begins, you are bound to receive a visit to your door from at least one MP. Here is a definitive guide to what they say and mean.

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New taxes announced by Chancellor

Funny story: New taxes announced by Chancellor

In his pre, pre, pre-budget speech, the Chancellor of the Exchequer has announced a raft of new taxes aimed at taking his traditional vendetta against the motorist out of the spotlight.

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A newspaper editor speaks

Funny story: A newspaper editor speaks

Speaking from my ivory tower on Canary Wharf, I learned today that not only is poor little Maddy Mccann missing, but speaking to our royal correspondent and former plumber, Kendo Nagagranny, I have found out, and can exclusively reveal, that Diana, Princess of Wales, is still dead!...

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Saturday Diary

Funny story: Saturday Diary

Had a fantastic day celebrating England's win in rugby.

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Amen..Ahem....er...Praise the Lord....but which one?

Funny story: Amen..Ahem....er...Praise the Lord....but which one?

It would appear that The Good Lord works in mysterious ways.

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Name Calling Trump

One thing about Trump, no one will ever call him simpatico!
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