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Showing articles written by Ben Macnair.


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The Cat that ate Jeremy Kyle - My side

Funny story: The Cat that ate Jeremy Kyle - My side

I am just a normal Moggie. I have done nothing to deserve the fame and recognition I get. I go out to all the hot-spots, the bottom of the garden, the end of the road, the Litter tray, it is a new club that is always shutting down and then opening somewhere else completely different.

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Sam Beckett from Quantum Leap - A Day in the Life

Funny story: Sam Beckett from Quantum Leap - A Day in the Life

I never know what each day will bring. It could bring world peace, or a nuclear apocalypse, but I do know that at some point I will utter the immortal words 'Oh Boy' and that someone will think I am mad because I am talking to myself.

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New BBC Channels coming to a TV Screen near you soon

Funny story: New BBC Channels coming to a TV Screen near you soon

BBC 5 - Niche market for Agrophobics bored of their wall-paper...

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A Life in the Day - Stormtrooper 56789

Funny story: A Life in the Day - Stormtrooper 56789

My days recently have been quite dull, ever since that documentary anyway. Now that Lord Vader has gone and died as well,there is even less to do.

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Father Christmas - A life in the day

Funny story: Father Christmas - A life in the day

My days are usually all the same, with the rare exception of Christmas Eve.

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Shock new pet sweeps the nation

Funny story: Shock new pet sweeps the nation

A shock new pet has overtaken Puppies, Kittens, Hamsters, Goldfish, and Scorpions in the race for most abandoned present in the new year.

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My Life with Postman Pat - by Jess the Cat

Funny story: My Life with Postman Pat - by Jess the Cat

My days with Pat usually start at around 4pm, when he wakes me with half a pint of milk and a Kipper. I don't like Milk, or Kippers, but I am a Cat and can't communicate my dislike of this food to the fool.

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New Mr Men unveiled

Funny story: New Mr Men unveiled

Roger Hargreaves, the creator of the Mr Men franchise of books has unveiled a new selection for modern times.

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Pam Ayres Controversial new poem - When I am Older than tomorrow

Pam Ayres, poet Laurette of a fading English ideal has released her most controversial new poem to date. It does not always rhyme, but we have had to clean it up, and the fourth, fifth and sixth stanza's really were not suitable for a family publication like this, so here is the version we are able to print.

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Further Excellent Purchases

The Guardian's spell checker.

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Further Excellent ways for rich, stupid people to waste their money

The ACME Custard and Blood Extractor...

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Mr Bronson's Favourite Children's Books

We spoke to friendly headmaster Mr Bronson about his favourite children's books. They are...

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10 Things to do with cheese

1) Take it for a walk 2) Put it in socks...

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10 Things Victor Meldrew can believe

Professional Miserabilist, see-er of empty glasses and man old enough to remember when God was a boy, Victor Meldrew does believe the following things:...

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Gripper Stebson's Top Five Karaoke songs

Gripper Stebson, the unpopular bully from TV's Grange Hill gives his five favourite songs for Karaoke:...

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Letter to the Editor - August 2007

Dear Sir, I wish to complain. Yours sincerely, Mrs Smythe Jones Barrington - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -...

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Letter to the editor - August 2007

Hang the DJ? Put the Dinner Jacket in your wardrobe, and attend a dinner party in Jeans and T Shirt. You will be the talk of the night, and...

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Monkeys Chart success predicted

Funny story: Monkeys Chart success predicted

Monkeys are widely predicted to take over the world. We asked Pam Ayres for her opinion on the latest world music news.

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Invisible Man admits he is a raving attention seeker

Funny story: Invisible Man admits he is a raving attention seeker

Fictional character The Invisible Man said that he cannot get enough of the attention that he is paid on a regular basis. Speaking on Richard and Judy's show last week, the famously invisible celebrity says that people are often shocked and surprised when they see him.

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Letters to the Editor - August 11th 2007

Dear Sir, I read with interest your feature about my daring raid on my own home, to steal what was rightly mine. I would like to thank you...

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Mr Oliver Dear - The View from My Window

The world's most anxious man, Mr Oliver Dear from local Hamlet Chutney-on-Frinton has been awarded the title of the World's Most Anxious Man. The aptly named man is our new regular contributor. Read the dispatches from the front line of his life.

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Lonely Hearts

Funny story: Lonely Hearts

Bearded Male with GSOH seeks similar female for Naturist Morris Dancing. Must provide own stick and Bells.

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