I am just a normal Moggie. I have done nothing to deserve the fame and recognition I get. I go out to all the hot-spots, the bottom of the garden, the end of the road, the Litter tray, it is a new club that is always shutting down and then opening somewhere else completely different.
I never know what each day will bring. It could bring world peace, or a nuclear apocalypse, but I do know that at some point I will utter the immortal words 'Oh Boy' and that someone will think I am mad because I am talking to myself.
BBC 5 - Niche market for Agrophobics bored of their wall-paper...
My days recently have been quite dull, ever since that documentary anyway. Now that Lord Vader has gone and died as well,there is even less to do.
My days are usually all the same, with the rare exception of Christmas Eve.
A shock new pet has overtaken Puppies, Kittens, Hamsters, Goldfish, and Scorpions in the race for most abandoned present in the new year.
My days with Pat usually start at around 4pm, when he wakes me with half a pint of milk and a Kipper. I don't like Milk, or Kippers, but I am a Cat and can't communicate my dislike of this food to the fool.
Roger Hargreaves, the creator of the Mr Men franchise of books has unveiled a new selection for modern times.
Pam Ayres, poet Laurette of a fading English ideal has released her most controversial new poem to date. It does not always rhyme, but we have had to clean it up, and the fourth, fifth and sixth stanza's really were not suitable for a family publication like this, so here is the version we are able to print.
The Guardian's spell checker.
The ACME Custard and Blood Extractor...
We spoke to friendly headmaster Mr Bronson about his favourite children's books. They are...
1) Take it for a walk
2) Put it in socks...
Professional Miserabilist, see-er of empty glasses and man old enough to remember when God was a boy, Victor Meldrew does believe the following things:...
Gripper Stebson, the unpopular bully from TV's Grange Hill gives his five favourite songs for Karaoke:...
I wish to complain.
Mrs Smythe Jones Barrington
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -...
Hang the DJ?
Put the Dinner Jacket in your wardrobe, and attend a dinner party in Jeans and T Shirt. You will be the talk of the night, and...
Monkeys are widely predicted to take over the world. We asked Pam Ayres for her opinion on the latest world music news.
Fictional character The Invisible Man said that he cannot get enough of the attention that he is paid on a regular basis. Speaking on Richard and Judy's show last week, the famously invisible celebrity says that people are often shocked and surprised when they see him.
I read with interest your feature about my daring raid on my own home, to steal what was rightly mine. I would like to thank you...
The world's most anxious man, Mr Oliver Dear from local Hamlet Chutney-on-Frinton has been awarded the title of the World's Most Anxious Man. The aptly named man is our new regular contributor. Read the dispatches from the front line of his life.
Bearded Male with GSOH seeks similar female for Naturist Morris Dancing. Must provide own stick and Bells.
Sorry, you can't go back any further!
Name Calling Trump
Trump to Seek Re-erection
Donald Trump, Jr. Blames His Divorce on Obama
Who Will Replace Hope Hicks In The White House?
Clown Union Assures Trump He'll Always Have A Home With Them
Blue tits, lavender tits, silicone tits!
F.B.I. Deputy Director Andrew McCabe
Scamatology TV Has Resulted in Flood of New Visits to Orgs
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