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Showing articles written by Ben Macnair.


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That thing you did......

As an interviewer of celebrities, who find themselves in my neck of the woods, they are at either end of their career. They are all eager, with bright shiny faces, and wanting to get on with the job, or their career is in the doldrums, following a sex scandal, or a down-turn in the number of Northern characters television needs, and lets face it, any actor from Downton Abbey can work on a gritt...

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The Lighthouse Keeper - A Prose Poem

Mr Jones, the Lighthouse Keeper, had an ever increasing collection of masks, finding them on Amazon, going for a song on Ebay, fading celebrities, an Amazonian Warrior, Donald Trump, the colour of desperation, everyday waiting for the knock. The Postman whistling his happy little tune, handing over the packages, waiting for the signatures, the always offered cup of tea, wanting to g...

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A Day in the life - Tom from Myspace

Hello, You may remember me. You know you do? Tom? Tom from Myspace? I was your friend. I was everyone's friend on Myspace? Myspace? You must remember Myspace? Before Facebook? Before Selfies? Before Trump? Before Brexit? Before the Kardashians? What is wrong with you? Are you some type of Millenial? No, I was important to Generation X'rs. You don't know what a Generation Xr is? No, well a...

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A Day in the life - Tom from Myspace

Hello, You may remember me. You know you do? Tom? Tom from Myspace? I was your friend. I was everyone's friend on Myspace? Myspace? You must remember Myspace? Before Facebook? Before Selfies? Before Trump? Before Brexit? Before the Kardashian? What is wrong with you? Are you some type of Millenial? No, I was important to Generation X'rs. You don't what a Generation Xr is? No, well ask you...

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Millionaires given yet more trophies

This is a world where people get paid a lot of money to learn the words that other people write, wear the expensive clothes that other people design, and win awards that other people make, and a few thousand other people vote for. Yes, that's right, it is Awards season,again. With the Oscars, The National Television Awards, and Donald Trump's two new awards - The Fake News Awards and The Empty...

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The Hour lasts for Six Hours - What else is the BBC lying about? by Mr Ray Ving, 79

Funny story: The Hour lasts for Six Hours - What else is the BBC lying about? by Mr Ray Ving, 79

Hello there, Well, call me an old duffer if you like, I am 79 you know, but I still have my own teeth and hair. They are kept in a box above my wardrobe. It is nothing weird, I just think that if I can be cloned in the future, then I should be. I have been watching the old beeb lately, as you do. There is a programme they are showing called The Hour. I sat down to watch it, thinking it woul...

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My Dinner Guest top tips by David Cameron

Funny story: My Dinner Guest top tips by David Cameron

Well, Hello there. I am David Cameron. Some of you may have voted for me. It is a mystery. Like Chris De Burgh. You know people have done something to make him popular, but you never meet anyone who will publicly admit it. I have been asked to give you my opinion on whom to invite to your house for a dinner party, whilst avoiding any trace of hypocrisy of wrongdoing. Still, just between y...

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Harry Potter 8 Story line revealed

Funny story: Harry Potter 8 Story line revealed

'Oh' said Harry, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. 'I had the most weird dream last night. I dreamt that the world knew who I was, and what I was doing.' 'That's alright, Harry' said Davina. 'We have been watching you carefully.' 'Oh' replied Harry. 'Who are you?' 'I am Davina McCall. Please do not swear. We have locked you in the Big Brother house for 10 years, under the influence of he w...

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David Cameron's New Year's Resolutions

Funny story: David Cameron's New Year's Resolutions

1) Share the money equally. 2) Appear on Jeremy Kyle. 3) Appear on the Wright Stuff. 4) Reduce my carbon foot-print. 5) Reduce my personal level of smugness. 6) Give Nick Clegg a manly hand shake everytime he gets something right. 7) Give Boris Johnson a dressing down everytime he gets something wrong. 8) Get a new bike, and lycra clothes. The old ones are wearing out. 9) T...

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BBCI's Saturday Night Schedules - January 2010

Funny story: BBCI's Saturday Night Schedules - January 2010

6.00 - The News with Hugh Edwards 6.01 - The News with Kate Silverton 6.02 - Russel Brand 6.03 - Jonathan Ross 6.04 - Hole in the Wall. Not the Game show, an actual hole in a wall. 6.15 - Fixing a Hole in the Wall. Aled Jones and Nick Knowles discuss DIY with Handy Andy. 6.50 - Kerry Katona's TV Fart - Once more, BBC 'borrows' a format from ITV 7.20 - Your Parents have heard of me!! Can I h...

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Gordon Brown's New Year Resolution

Funny story: Gordon Brown's New Year Resolution

1) Hand over power to someone younger. 2) Hang out with Tony Blair more. 3) Hang out with David Cameron less. 4) Smile. 5) Shake Hands with people less. 6) Finish War and Peace. 7) Or at least one of them. 8) Write Memoirs. 9) Thank actor David Morrisey for playing me on screen. 10) Finish my projected volume of 15,000 haiku's. 11) Invent the 77 blade razor, because you can never get too...

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Carol Ann Duffy gets modern

Funny story: Carol Ann Duffy gets modern

Dear Candidate, I hope you don't mind, but I have recycled the flyer that you put through my door. I did read it, but it only contained all of the promises you made before. D'ya get me? D'ya get me? Cos I'm is talkin' to you. D'ya get me? D'ya get me, brethren?...

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Paddington Bear - The Truth

Funny story: Paddington Bear - The Truth

Mr Brown was a Man of little consequence, carrying a little case, containing a little of his life, but of no consequence to anyone else. He thought of his family, and Mr Gruber, the unpleasant little Neo-Nazi who lived next door, who shook his fist at the world, and who grew old and grey, because he had never been lucky enough to meet the right girl. Mr Brown was at the station,...

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Boris Johnson's New Year's Resolutions 2009

Funny story: Boris Johnson's New Year's Resolutions 2009

Boris Johnson's New Year Resolutions · Have a good haircut · Think of some brand new catchphrases · Gosh · Phwoar · Crikey · Make friends · Stop taking David Cameron seriously · Stop the Congestion Charge · Get better at Wiff Waff · Make proper friends with Barack · Finish my collection of Colloquial poetry · Finish the Dove Cote · Finish War and Peace · Start a War over Badminton...

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Cliff Richard's Christmas List 2008

Funny story: Cliff Richard's Christmas List 2008

A Devil woman, with Evil on her mind A Honky Tonk Angel A Forwarding Address for Carrie, she may not live here anymore, but her letters are still being delivered A Miss you Night Some Small Speakers Some Tall Speakers Proof that Love is actually the strongest emotion Forty Days A Living Doll Some Lucky Lips An Audience with Cilla Black on DVD An Audience with The Pope An Audience with...

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A Life in the Day of Gizmo

Funny story: A Life in the Day of Gizmo

Hello Everybody, You will remember me as the sweet ball of fur that Corey Feldman poured water on in that famed 1980's documentary Gremlins. I also had a starring role in the sequel, but I have had no work since then. I was talking to Gary Coleman about this just the other day. If you start out as cute and lovable, the only place to go after that is downhill. Of course, I could have cashed i...

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Ironic Surnames

Funny story: Ironic Surnames

Following the news that Brian Blessed is to be banned from Songs Of Praise, here are some more ironic names. Brian Blessed......... Not any more. I SAID NOT ANY MORE!!! Neil Young............ Not for about 40 years Jimmy Young........... Not for about 70 years And more will follow. Please send in your suggestions.

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Nature Poem

Funny story: Nature Poem

The Ostrich that keeps...

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Penpals sought for Ghost

Funny story: Penpals sought for Ghost

A Ghost lives in Whitby. A ghost, are you scared? A dead man, living in Whitby? Are you scared now?...

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WASPS strike back

Funny story: WASPS strike back

Following my breaking news story last year, that Wasps are just Spiteful Bastards, Walter the Wasp from Winnipeg, a leader and spokesman for the Coalition of non- prejudicial treatment of stinging insects (CONPTOSI) has prepared the following statement:...

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A Warning...

Funny story: A Warning...

Ode to the Last Meat Ball: O, Meat Ball,...

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Vanessa Feltz - Why? By Mr Ray Ving (76 and 3 quarters)

Funny story: Vanessa Feltz - Why? By Mr Ray Ving (76 and 3 quarters)

In the first in a series of Articles from our loyal readers, Mr Ray Ving, aged 76, and from Dulwich reveals his thoughts for the day.

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Breaking news…

Trump Sorry For 'Horseface' Tweet

Trump apologizes to Stormy Daniels for calling her 'horseface' in a
tweet. Tweet was actually meant for Kelly Ann Conway.
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