Showing articles written by Paul Millard.

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The Young Folks

Funny story: The Young Folks

I would love to be able to engage with the young people in my office. They always seem to be having so much fun and glow with the enthusiastic energy of a supernova. At times it's like watching an advert for the upswing of a bipolar disorder. They constantly chatter about something really exciting they have done, or are going to do. Or where they went the previous night, or are going tonig...

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Be My Virtual Saviour

Funny story: Be My Virtual Saviour

A lot must be considered when picking the right religion to be on-line ordained into. Due diligence is key to finding the right path to enlightenment, and whilst it looks very easy for those tambourine-rattling, devil-dodgers on Songs of Praise and The Only Way Is Amish, a degree of actual commitment and clarity of mind is critical for spiritual success. My personal journey began on a Saturday m...

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Meandering Through The Medicine Cabinet

Funny story: Meandering Through The Medicine Cabinet

Why is it that in this age of enlightened attitudes from the new generation of modern families and forty-something hipsters-wannabes is there still a wholly unrounded perception towards those who 'do' drugs? My days of indulgence were sadly snatched away from me upon the birth of my son. My last joint was rolled and flamed on the very day he was born. I had spent all night at the hospital, th...

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Visions in the Local Supermarket

Funny story: Visions in the Local Supermarket

I take my lunch at the same time every damn day. At the appointed hour, I rise from my desk and vacate the building as quickly as possible (usually via the 1st floor window). Evading the guard dogs and searchlights, I take a five minute walk across a very busy road to the local Tesco for a sandwich, a packet of crisps and a critique of the human condition. In between bouts of awareness toward...

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A Trifecta of Awful Movies

Funny story: A Trifecta of Awful Movies

Elysium, R.I.P.D., Gravity It happened over one weekend. Actually, it was within a twenty-four hour period that I watched these movies - three movies that will forever be etched on my brain as nothing more than a complete waste of my time and effort. Ok, let's start with the first shitty-arsed puppy that wandered into my DVD player and took a dump. How anyone can make a film in which you...

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There's Snow Love like Frozen Love

Funny story: There's Snow Love like Frozen Love

People of a religious persuasion call it enlightenment, drunks call it a moment of clarity; on Sunday morning, in a packed cinema, I had what I'm going to call the potential start date of my mid-life crisis. Over the weekend I took my 3 and a bit year-old to the cinema to catch a movie. My wife wanted us out of the house for whatever reason and it was too early to take the kid to the local 'di...

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Cooking Up with CD's

Funny story: Cooking Up with CD's

I've been away for a few weeks with flu that turned into second stage SARS, and decorating duties that turned into second degree murder. This week's rhubarb has been inspired by a work colleague. While I may toil within an utter quagmire of office banality, and with the very worst examples of bottom-feeding, two-faced managerial arseholery, there are a few people that have somehow managed to...

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Are You On Facebook?

Funny story: Are You On Facebook?

If I had to pick one question that sums up the past six years of society on Planet Earth, this would be it. I am asked it on a weekly basis by various people, sometimes by the same people who asked me the same question the previous month. In fact, I'm not actually sure how I should take this repeated questioning. Is it out of pure fucking amazement that I'm one of the few remaining who does...

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The Space Lizard Next Door

Funny story: The Space Lizard Next Door

Is it me, or does there seem to be more people these days that might be carnivorous space lizards? The whole space lizard concept was the brain-child (loose term) of the much celebrated football pundit and renowned bat-shit crazy person, David Icke. It goes something like this: Flesh-eating reptile humanoids, living in underground bases around the world, have infiltrated every facet of huma...

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Breaking news…

Trump Says Democrats Should Thank Him for Being Such A Terrible President

...Because they never would've won the House by such a wide margin without him!
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