Showing articles written by Alex99.

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Spoof! Attacked by Murdoch Bullies

Funny story: Spoof! Attacked by Murdoch Bullies

Following the blanket attacks by Spoof! writers on the Murdochs Evil Empire, this reporter can reveal that the Lowton brothers were put under intense pressure by one of the bullies who work for the Muckdocs. Benjamin Lowton, currently in a Somali jail, actually no he has joined the Somali pirates-sorry, our mistake- was phoned up and someone offered to pay his ransom money. He replied that he w...

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Another Day

Today I was sitting my computer when all of a sudden a fish came flying in through the window. I live on the 134th floor of a skyscraper and I went to my window to see where the fish had come from. I then got a call asking if the fish was okay and I replied that I thought it was. The phone went dead and as I went to the balcony I felt a blinding flash and saw stars. The phone rang again, and th...

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If I had been a cat, then I could have been a dog

Funny story: If I had been a cat, then I could have been a dog

Last night former Prime Minister and First Lord of the Treasury (World Bank, hint hint!) Gordon Brown said that he would still be Prime Minister if the News of the Swirling Wurlitzer revelations had occurred 18 months earlier. His reasoning was that Andy Coulson would have been arrested and David Cameron would have been fatally damaged by the publicity surrounding the arrest of his Director of Com...

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Information of the Bank is Dollar?

This woman doesn't get it.She actually replied to the silly nonsense I emailed to her and you will note that her English has dramatically improved. One can only surmise that there is a scamster hierarchy out here in cyberspace. My English has worsened as you will see from the replies to my darlinguest fan. And mimicking is always a sign of true and eternal love. I doubt that Standard Charted will...

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How To Avoid Being Jammed

Dear SK, Regarding you request to avoid jam jars being thrown at you by your wife, perhaps you could reflect and ask yourself whether you deserved it not or not. Six years I was woken up at 645am by a lamp being smashed over my head by my girlfriend. I really saw stars but I did deserve it because I texted a previous girlfriend about getting back together and the previous girlfriend forward...

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When Seeing Is Not Believing

I will be the first to admit that working for The Spoof! brings out my sociopathic tendencies. It's Tuesday and it's a quiet sunny day at our office in Hong Kong.I have read various news sites and nothing has caught my fancy. I was also in a bad mood because my recent story about Kim's death was not selling and was in danger of being overtaken by the silly nonsense I had written about Nancy Paulso...

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Gives Us Yours Moneys Darlinglys

Funny story: Gives Us Yours Moneys Darlinglys

Well, Nancy does not seem too bothered by having a prisoner as her true love. Amazingly her grammar improved dramatically when it came to the money shot. And I am left with a dilemma-shall I contact Standard Chartered in London or not? I now understand why Kim Jong Ill replied to Larry Chukwuemeka and why Bernard Bernanke responded to Damani Maru and why Greece is so bankrupt right now. Here...

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Some Kind of Reply to Nancy Paulson

Funny story: Some Kind of Reply to Nancy Paulson

Well, I am a bit tardy in replying to my fan mail. As promised to my readers this is my reply to Nancy Paulsons ,'Me Love You Thong Time' email. You will note that I have included a Russian email address in the hope that the Nigerian scamsters will rip off the Russian mob and start an international turf war. You never know and can always live in hope. I will of course publish Nancy's reply because...

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Me Love You Thong Time

Funny story: Me Love You Thong Time

Amazingly my new found darling replied to the silly nonsense I wrote yesterday. Here is her replying and neverest. My Dearest Beloved and landfill, Me love you thong time when yesterday.Thank you so much for this terrible opportunity you have given me once again.How are you doing,your health and also the satisfying of things over there? To God be glory for bring us together in one dark hea...

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Alex99's First Fan Mail

Funny story: Alex99's First Fan Mail

Today I was delighted to receive my first fan mail. It is such a thrill to get an email like the one below. There are some spelling mistakes but it's the thought that counts. My reply is at the end of this article. From: nancy Sent: Sunday, July 03, 2011 11:00:24 AM My Dearest One, It is a great pleasure to masturbate with you and i hope and believe that we will make a good and reliabl...

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Saif Guddayfee In London Shoot Out

Funny story: Saif Guddayfee In London Shoot Out

As a cat I am privy to many secrets of the Guddayfee family. They even talk to me and ask my advice on state policy. But how do I know-I am just a cat, but they seem to think I am more than that. Perhaps the Guddayfees are really Ewoks from Return of the Jedi and maybe I am C3PO. Anyway, last week Saif decided to take me on a shopping trip around London. Somehow he managed to land at Heathrow a...

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Regal Mail Stamps for 2012

What fires your imagination? Famous people, great art, historic events or major anniversaries? They're all here on Regal Mail Special Stamps. In 2012 we're making a number of stamp issues available; each one beautifully capturing the richness and diversity of British heritage and culture. If you want to make sure you receive each of the Special Stamps and their associated products as soon as...

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At Home With The Guddayfee Family

Funny story: At Home With The Guddayfee Family

'We tried so many times to penetrate the compound. I sent three but they all died trying, said a tearful Mr Lowton.' But that was during peace-during a civil war it had to be easier. At my first and only office party. I drew the short straw and went disguised as a cat and after several adventures which I may describe later, I wandered into the compound of the Guddayfis which is somewhere aroun...

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Saddam: Sex Change and Shopping

Funny story: Saddam: Sex Change and Shopping

It's pretty dangerous being a dictator nowadays, and that even goes for allegedly dead ones such as Saddam and that is why we both decided that we needed to buy some Stealth clothing for me and gender reassignment for Saddam so that we could blend in with the people and hopefully complete an assignment on webcam suicides. Mindful of the fact that a former Prime Minister of Iraq called Nuri Sai...

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Alex 99 vs Alex Duggan-60 Murders Plus (M.O.R.P.H. Remix)

Funny story: Alex 99 vs Alex Duggan-60 Murders Plus (M.O.R.P.H. Remix)

Last week I arranged a meeting with Kim Jong Ill on the set of the new Internet TV show called 60 Murders Plus. Since the world is a stage the set can be anywhere you like. Kim is a wonderful guy who after murdering his father is now in mismanagement and is currently Emperor of North Korea. He tasked me to find a serial killer at work and interview him. It seemed dangerous to mention that I was a...

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Hydra Invasion of Swindon Narrowly Averted

Funny story: Hydra Invasion of Swindon Narrowly Averted

Residents of Swindon had a lucky escape yesterday after a UFO crash landed full of Hydras on a health tourism trip. The Hydras had incorrectly heard that the UK has a first class health service and had flown all the way from Pluto. One of the hydras is a Siamese Hydra meaning that it has 16 heads instead of the normal 8 and had heard that it could be successfully operated on. The Siamese Hy...

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Saddam Alive and Well in Trampoline

Alarmed at the recent rise in suicides over the internet in which people send emails requesting to die live via webcam, this reporter was sent to Trampoline in Libya for an exclusive. As so often happens, we were expecting a short Science and Technology article out of this assignment, but instead ended up with earth shattering headlines. This is the first part of a two part article. I arrived...

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Advertorial:Can We Blow You Up?

Funny story: Advertorial:Can We Blow You Up?

You have probably seen photos, television programs and cinema reels about the stuff that happened yesterday , but until you experience it for yourself you won't really understand what it's like. Nothing on earth matches the sensations you will experience, the thrill of breathing and moving under the direct threat of being blown to bits in a market. Here at Qaeda Tours we will guide you and give yo...

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