Written by Alex99

Sunday, 26 June 2011

image for Advertorial:Can We Blow You Up? They Enjoyed Their Holiday With Qaeda Tours

You have probably seen photos, television programs and cinema reels about the stuff that happened yesterday , but until you experience it for yourself you won't really understand what it's like. Nothing on earth matches the sensations you will experience, the thrill of breathing and moving under the direct threat of being blown to bits in a market. Here at Qaeda Tours we will guide you and give you plenty of information about this incredible attack and suggest places to go to when the sirens are warning all citizens to stay indoors and watch the telly.

Wednesday will be your last day on earth.It will be a bustling day.The sky will be a beautiful blue,the clouds a pearly white-with the odd grey pearl among them, and they will be blown through the ultramarine sky in a beautiful, light airy breeze. It will be hot and the cicadas and grasshoppers and the odd mosquitoes were will be flying around what remained of the market park.And you will remember what happened on Tuesday.

Children were playing in the swing and the delivery men could be seen bring crates of fish and baskets of oranges and huge bunches of bananas could be seen along the side of the road. There was an air of expectancy.The oranges were waiting to be peeled, the fish were waiting to be descaled and the bananas were waiting to be eaten and people waiting to be Kaboomed in Kabul.

And then suddenly, you remember the sensation of a full frontal blast of cold air as you suddenly feel the feeling of weightlessness and feel the feeling of being thrown through the air like a ballet dancer leaping and cavorting across the stage. And you remember seeing the shards of glass and seeing the blood in the streets and hearing the sounds of screams and you will remember that you have just been bombed and have just experienced the experience to end all experiences.

Nothing can match the experience and the excitement of being blown to smithereens.Not sex-the feeling in this town is that violence and mayhem are better than sex, that destruction is better than creation, that dying is better than procreation. The intensity of the moment, the deliciousness of time, the agony of the amputee, the wailing of the child all somehow magnify the moment as if the world had pulled out all the stops and come to the end of the line before crashing with a bump and a huge thud.

Such, such are the joys, as George Orwell might have said had he lived through the market bombing, of having somehow survived it all and yet somehow remained pure of heart and all the the while remaining indifferent to human suffering and sadness.

Call us now-our terrorist operators will take your details and after you pay for your bombing holiday we will sit you down at your favourite restaurant and just when you are nice and relaxed you will be blown to kingdom come and all your problems-your debts, your sceaming kids, your boss that you hate-will melt away like dew on a snowy morning.

At Qaedda we hate grammar and tenses since they are a western invention and does it really matter when you are dead if there is tense mismatch in our advert and if Tuesday does not really connect with Wednesday? It doesn't really matter at all-just as long as we can blow you up.

Join Qaeda Tours and see eternity with us.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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