It was with some surprise that I received the news that I was to be Spoof's Royal Correspondent.
After weighing up all the recent contributions I find that my royal spoofs won by a nose. I was told they were venomous beyond the call of duty - some accolade!
Now I'm off to London for the wedding. My plans for the day have been put to one side. I will have to cut my toe nails on another day and flossing my teeth must be ignored for once.
I have also had it intimated to me that I will be recognised in the next Queen's Honours. I hear I am in line for an O.B.O.E., an award that has not been bestowed since Henry VIII gave it to Anne Boleyn shortly after she was beheaded. Unlike the ordinary O.B.E., the more musical O.B.O.E., gives one a certain je ne sais qoui (whatever that is!)
It really means Other Buggers Overwhelming Effort and is rarely gifted to a poor subject by the Monarch.
I am breathing hard in anticipation of the day. Already a place has been provided for me outside the Abbey by a fellow Spoofer giving up her place. So watch out for the real story behind the Royal Wedding with interviews from both King William III and Queen Catherine of Aragon expected.