Written by dutch

Friday, 18 March 2011

Dermot has failed to be successful in getting the American X-Factor gig. The disappointed presenter has lost out to heart-throb Enrique Iglesias.

He is expected to return to host the UK X-Factor and is expected to work alongside guest celebrities who will take it in turns to be on the judges panel. George Michael is being paid £70K to be a guest host on one episode of the X-Factor.

The producers want to freshen the tired old X-Factor format up and try and make it more on trend. Simon Cowell and Cheryl Cole are expected to parachute out of the UK X-Factor and the hunt is on for some cool new judges.

It is rumoured that Gary Barlow will be joining the panel and this is popular because of his street credibility.

The shows insiders are not surprised that Dermot failed to get the American X-Factor gig after his embarrassing faux-pas with Britney Spears when she towered above him and they had to share a microphone with him squirming with embarrassment. One insider who refuses to be named said, "I'm not surprised Dermot failed to get the US X-Factor gig; he is a jumped up little twerp who is light years past his sell-by date."

The American audience prefer to have a home-grown presenter and are hoping to have Charlie Sheen or Justin Timberlake but ladies are swooning over Enrique Iglesias. A new host called Ralph Valero is also a tried and tested presenter who has hosted the Super-Bowl.

It is not known how Dermot has received his shock-news but it is worrying his show-biz pals who are concerned for his well-being. Davina McCall and Fearne Cotton have failed to contact him on Twitter and they are worried that Dermot has heard Chris Moyles calling him a 'has been' during a rant on his Comic Relief marathon show. Chris Moyles was so tired that he was shooting from the hip and calling a 'spade a spade' he bitchily got Philip Schofield to call his friend Richard Madeley a 'has-been' as well as Dermot.

Of course some of Dermot's so called friends from the X-Factor are delighted by his fall from grace; Cher Lloyd called him a 'jumped up little fart' and even Olly Murs said Dermot was getting 'too big for his boots'.

It is a case of the higher you are the further you fall and other workers on the X-Factor are in fear for their own jobs. A tearful Dannii Minogue said that she could not deal with the stress and the shallow in-fighting that had been going on. She said she was afraid to go to her dressing-room in case Cheryl Cole and Sinitta started bitching about her.

The man himself Simon Cowell, 'the teflon man' betrayed no emotion and was as expressionless after his latest botox treatment.

Cowell said, "We are going to have a wonderful line-up for both the US and the UK X-Factors; obviously we have had to mix it up a bit and freshen the format; remember television presenting is not for wimps; if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen."

Louis Walsh did not appear to be in fear for his future role on the show. He said, "Simon and I go way back; he values me for my expert opinion and for my experience managing bands. At the end of the day it is a talent show and not a popularity contest."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: X-Factor
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