Written by Daniel Wolf

Monday, 14 March 2011

This reporter has learned that the United States Nuclear Regulatory Agency is preparing a full press "black-out", over the Fukishima Japan Nuclear plant. The reason for the "black-out": According to anonymous, agency, sources, is:

"Because too MANY anti-Nuclear groups are trying to connect the Japanese accident with the American Three Mile Island, and Russian Chernobyl accident."

"American Nuclear Regulatory is far, and away, more advanced, in terms of plant safety", According to Nuclear Regulatory director Mr. Joshua Wilson. Mr. Wilson insists that nuclear accidents, such as that threatening Japan "Can NEVER happen in the United States. Mr. Wilson also wishes that the American people would STOP comparing Japan to the United States, saying "Our nuclear program has been funded, reviewed, and established, by the most able-bodied multi-millionairres that America has. We do not build "cheap" nuclear plants, like Japan, and Russia, did. No, our plants are much more affordable, in order to give a "higher level, of public safety", while not cutting into corporate profits.

Each American Nuclear reactor costs the American public ONLY $50 billion to build. This money is then offset, by cuts, in school lunches, and funding, for homeless shelters. In the end, each reaxctor is placed under the control of a prominent, political, invester, whose job is to make significant profits, with the reactor.

This is why Mr. Wilson is asking Americans to STOP comparing the "slight" issue, of Three Mile Island, with Japan, or Chernobyl.

According to Mr. Wilson: "On average, the Japanese, and Russians, only protect about 1% of their people, from such nuclear fall-out
danger, while the United States holds the proud tradion, that we will protect 3/10th's of one percent, of our people." A record which Mr. Wilson says that he is PROUD of.

Mr. Wilson says that he will petition the White House to retain the "PRESS BLACK-OUT", until Americans stop asking stupid questions, about nuclear safety.

"Our agencies main objective, in a nuclear crisis, is to ensure that government, and business leaders, reach safety, as fast as humanly possible. Nuclear Regulatory takes this pledge to heart, on a daily basis. Business, and Government, WILL continue to function, no matter how bad the contamination is.

I wish the public would stop worrying about these un-connected issues ( the accidents at T.M.I., Chernobyl, and Japan). There is NO connection between the failures, at each of these three nuclear facilities! Nuclear is perfectly safe.

Mr. Wilson concludes: In the event of a nuclear emergency, nuclear regulatory will ensure that Government, and business leaders, WILL be taken to safety, as quickly as possible.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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