Written by Lady Godiva

Saturday, 12 March 2011

image for Ronnie Corbett to have painful leg-lengthening surgery Ronnie Corbett's famous 'Shortstar's'Honey'

One of our reporters recently sat down with well-know comedian and beekeeper, Ronnie Corbett to discuss his decision at 71 yrs. of age, to have painful leg-lengthening surgery.

First, a little background for Ronnie Corbett fans who may think of him ONLY as a short bespectacled comedian.

Ronnie was born in 1930, in Scotland and attended Grammar School, not immediately after his birth, but eventually. He did not attend University and neither did Ronnie Barker, with whom he enjoyed many years in the entertainment business later in life.

Ronnie Corbett's first job was in agriculture where he worked mainly with small animals, such as sheep and pigs. He was a little bit wary of animals taller than his 5' 1" stature.

He did his National Service in the RAF where he became the shortest commissioned officer in the British Forces, saving lots of money on uniforms, especially the trousers. He looked up to everyone he met in the forces from the newest recruit to the top brass(es), obviously.

He is also, which many of his fans and members of the public may not be aware, an avid beekeeper in East Lothian, Scotland, where he has a house, as well as many beehives.

His honey sells well in the local store and outdoor market under the label "Shortstar's Honey".

He had toyed with the name 'Shortarse's Honey' but decided that the name may have been offensive to some customers....so settled for "Shortstar's Honey". A wise move!

Now, to the surgery! When asked why he had waited so long to have this painful surgery, his answer was quite simple.

"I've made a living from being short but now it's time to enjoy the things in life that I have always missed, such as:

Going on the rides at fairgrounds which I have always been forbidden to enoy as a result of my height.

Buying clothes in the Men's department instead of the Kiddies' departments.

Being allowed in the 'deep end' at the swimming baths without having to wear armbands or a rubber ring.

Having my two lovely daughters kiss me without having to bend down to do so.

Milking a cow whilst sitting on a milking stool instead of standing up. (You may laugh, but it's not funny if you are ME. The cows tend to give me funny looks.) Sorry!

Getting items off the top shelf in the supermarket without having to ask a passing teenager to reach it for me.

These are just a few of the reasons why I have decided to have this painful surgery.'

When asked where he would be having the surgery he replied,

"In a hospital - where else my dear?"

When our reporter explained that she meant 'which hospital' Ronnie answered,

"Oh sorry dearie! How silly of me. Sorry! Well, the one in Newby village, on the Isle of Wight of course."

We will keep you updated on this story.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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