'Every thing is on the UP' said City analyst Theobold Mygrief with glee 'unemployment is UP, joblessness is UP, inflation is UP, Bankers salaries are UP. We should be celebrating.'
'But growth is DOWN, wages are effectively DOWN, confidence is DOWN,
Tory ratings are DOWN'
'You are in need of education young man. Unemployment going up means wages will be kept down because people are scared of being unemployed. This will lead to growth. Confidence doesn't matter now nor do Tory ratings - it should be much worse; what matters is the income tax reductions geared in for the pre-election Budget. Think ahead!'
'But you are getting riots on the street, talk of strikes, people looking to Egypt for inspiration, a disaffected youth.'
'Easily contained, dear boy. There will always be moaners like there will always be the poor. Where would the rich be if it wasn't for the poor. We need them for us to feel superior, they need us to aspire to. Wait for those students to get into jobs after they graduate - they will soon settle in and accept everything for what it is.'
'But will they get jobs?'
'The ones that matter will. You see.'
Boyed by this pep talk from the City I realised that all my life I have been getting things wrong. Unemployment is GOOD, the Rich and Poor need each other, Democracy depends on fooling most people most of the time.
Without Mygrief I would, indeed, be lost.