1) A fly landed on my ball right when I hit.
2) A squirrel picked up my ball and put it in the bunker.
3) A squirrel pushed my ball into the trap, the good-for-nothing wannabe rats.
4) After that last shot, I'm just too embarrassed to try and hit the ball.
5) All the golf schools I liked were too expensive - so I self-taught.
6) Before the sex change, I was allowed to hit from the red tee. Its just too difficult to score now.
7) Bermuda grass sucks. My club keeps getting stuck.
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
8) Damn it, have you no etiquette? Please quit breathing when I swing.
9) Didn't you hear that sound in the woods during my swing? It sounded like a duck.
10) What's that smell?
11) Ever since I made a hole-in-one, I can't concentrate.
12) From three hundred yards out it looks like the green sloped away.
13) Golf is about etiquette, not playing well.
14) Golf isn't fun if it's competitive, so I don't try too hard.
15) Hackers tore up the green. I can't play competively under these circumstances.
16) I aimed my shoulder too far left of the target.
17) I always aim too far left when coming out of the bunker.
18) I always choke when money is on the line.
19) I always get kicked off the course for being intoxicated.
20) This is the first round I've finished.
21) I can't judge my ball in this cool December air.
22) I can't keep my head still on the back swing.
23) I can't play in 70 degree, sunny weather. I need snow, wind and rain.
24) I can't play on this course. I haven't been able to practice it on virtual golf.
25) I can't play unless I have sex prior to playing.
26) I can't play with these golf balls. They are all numbered.
27) I can't play with with graphite shafts. Steel is the way to go.
28) I can't tee off unless a crowd of people is watching.
29) I couldn't see from back there that it was not a vertical water hazard.
30) I cut my hand at work, so I can't get a firm grip on the clubs - but I love sick leave.
31) I decided to become celibate yesterday.
32) I didn't come to play golf. I wanted to see the Cub's spring training.
33) I didn't flex my wrists on the back-swing.
34) I didn't follow through on the swing.
35) I didn't follow through with my hips.
36) I didn't have a 3 wood so I had to use my 5 wood.
37) I didn't have fish for breakfast - I only play well when I eat fish for breakfast.
38) I didn't have lunch, I have no energy.
39) I didn't keep my left arm in.
40) I hate this game.
41) I didn't open my stance and I pushed the ball to the left.
42) I didn't put on my deodorant this morning and the smell is making my eyes water.
43) I don't care how I score when I'm young. My only goal is to live long enough to shoot lower than my age.
44) I don't have a sand wedge. I lost it in the lake last time I played.
45) I don't like these balls I bought over the Internet. They fly too far.
46) I don't like this gripless club but my broker gave it to me.
47) I drank too much coffee - I have the shakes.
48) I dropped my left shoulder and hooked the ball.
49) I duffed the shot. No excuse for that.
50) I focus my attention on putting, not on my drives.
51) I focus too much on where the ball is going. I can never follow through.
52) I forgot about that trap in front of the green.
53) I forgot my antacid and I have bad indigestion from eating all that candy last night.
54) I forgot my golf visor in the car.
55) I forgot my sunglasses in my other golf bag.
56) I forgot my umbrella in the car.
57) Now my glasses are foggy.
58) I forgot to take my vitamins this morning. Now I'm out of energy.
59) I get nervous shooting last all the time.
60) I get so excited when I play, I can't relax. I love this game.
61) I got whip lash when you started the cart. Now my neck hurts.
62) I gripped the clubs too far down and topped the ball.
63) I had a blind shot, but the ball went where I hit it. I just didn't see the pond.
64) I had a clump ofmud on my ball, causing it to spin to the left.
65) I had a root canal last year. It still hurts when I golf.
66) I had my knees bent too far and I got way under the ball.
67) I had the club face opened too much in the bunker.
68) I had to lay up, I was just using the 3 wood for the heck of it.
69) I had to take a drop. The speed limit sign was in the way.
70) I had too big of a breakfast. I can't get the club around my gut.
71) I hate playing on Sundays.
72) They won't serve me beer until 11am.
73) I hate these soft spikes. I keep slipping.
74) I have a bad case of jet lag.
75) I have a headache from the concert last night. I just can't concentrate.
76) I have a tear in my golf glove.
77) I have been living in Africa the last three yars and no courses are within walking distance.
78) I have had a bad back from Rugby practice yesterday.
79) I have had to play softball every Saturday and Sunday this summer. I just haven't been out.
80) I have no excuse for that shot.
81) I have not refilled my medication this week.
82) I have really bad jock itch so my stance is all screwed up.
83) I have Sarcoidosis, I haven't been able to play.
84) I have Tendonitis in my left foot.
85) I have tennis elbow. What the hell is tennis elbow anyway?
86) I have to go to the bathroom, and I can't concentrate when I have to go.
87) I haven't been able to play since the auto accident. I can't sue for strokes.
88) I haven't had any money to play, my school loans are due.
89) I haven't had sex all month. I just can't putt. I have not got control of my stick.
90) I haven't had time to practice my putting.
91) I haven't taken putting lessons yet.
92) I hit it off the heel of the club.
93) I hit it off the toe of the club.
94) I hurt my elbow when I got out of that damn cart.
95) I hurt my hips while having sex last night.
96) I just can't envision the shot - and that's the key to the whole game.
97) I just can't find the sweet spot.
98) I just can't gauge the chip-shots like I used to.
99) I just can't generate the power like when I was young.
100) I just can't get that triple bogey out of my head.
101) I just can't keep my mind off her, it's so frustrating.
102) I just didn't get all of the ball.
103) I just don't have any rhythm today, I need to listen to some music.
104) I just don't know what the hell I'm doing wrong.
105) I just don't play well in the sun, rain, clouds, snow or sleet - I lose my focus.
106) I just keep pushing the ball. I don't know what the hell is wrong.
107) I just moved to a new house and my back is aching. I have no follow-through.
108) I just need to work on my grip.
109) I just want the most strokes for the money - to heck with my score.
110) I keep closing the club face and I can't get the lift to clear the red tees.
111) I keep moving my putter when I swing my shoulders.
112) I keep picking up my head, I'm afraid the geese are going to do their business on me.
113) I keep pulling the ball. It must be the aerobics I've been taking.
114) I keep second-guessing my shots.
115) I left my new clubs in my other car.
116) I left my pitching wedge in the lake over there.
117) I left my watch on and it throws off my balance.
118) I lifted the tip of the putter too high off the ground.
119) I lined up with the ball too close to my left foot.
120) I lost all my money gambling and now I can't afford lessons.
121) I lost my contact lens on the last hole. I'm playing one-eyed.
122) I lost one of my contacts and the flagstick is all fuzzy.
123) I made it over the lake last time. It must be the humidity.
124) I moved my body too far on impact and sliced it into the fairway but it rolled into the woods.
125) I moved my right knee on the back-swing, creating an illusion of power which was improperly assessed.
126) I must need new glasses.
127) I need a beer and the beer cart lady hasn't been around.
128) I need one of those shark grips on my putter. It seems to work for all the guys on the tour.
129) I need to change my putting technique.
130) I need to relax. I'm playing way too fast.
131) I need yellow lenses for my sunglasses, I'm getting too many ultraviolet rays.
132) I needed to use a seven, not an eight, just short of a hole in one.
133) I never aligned the club face on my set-up.
134) I never centered my shaft.
135) I never even saw that tree next to the pond next to the forest.
136) I never flared my left foot.
137) I never follow through when trying to get out of a bunker.
138) I never had a shot-the tree was in the way.
139) I never looked at the whole green. It slopes left.
140) I never noticed this trap before. I usually hit the green from 275 out.
141) I never played this course before, so I'm not familiar with the layout.
142) I normally hit a bucket of balls before playing.
143) I only care if I look good, not how I play.
144) I only par holes with white flags.
145) I only play for personal, non-substantive goals.
146) I only play for the camaraderie.
147) I only play well on hilly courses.
148) I only play well when I bet.
149) I only read three angles to the putt. I should have taken all four. I'm too lazy.
150) I only started playing last month.
151) I only took the game up to get away from the wife. I don't really care if I'm good.
152) I opened the face of the club. It must be the cast.
153) I picked up my foot on my back-swing.
154) I play better with a hard golf ball. These soft ones are for the pros.
155) I play better with golfers who are actually good.
156) I play better with women. They motivate me.
157) I play for the exercise, not the score.
158) I played the ball too far back in my stance and I couldn't get it over that tree.
159) I played too much softball last wek, I'm hitting the ball too flat.
160) I pulled a muscle in my leg while helping an elderly lady get her bag out of the car trunk.
161) I pulled my club too far back on the back-swing, creating in sufficient torque on the forward transition.
162) I pulled the putt because an ant crawled on my shoe.
163) I pulled the putter too far back.
164) I pushed my hips too much while trying to get out of that fairway trap.
165) I put way too much spin on the ball and it rolled off the green, over the hill, bounced off that rake and fell into the trap.
166) I putted really well on the miniature golf course last night.
167) I quit smoking yesterday.
168) I ran out off tees, so I had to use half a tee and I couldn't get the loft required to fly the trap.
169) I read way too much into the putts.
170) I rotated my hands too far to the left, which made the club face open at an improper point of the swing.
171) I shot a 71 on this course last time. Then again, it was on my computer.
172) I should have focused on the spot behind the ball.
173) I should have put more iron on the ball.
174) I should have used the putter to get out of the bunker.
175) I slept on my shoulder the wrong way. Now my swing is all messed up.
176) I spread my legs too far and I couldn't see my balls, I mean ball.
177) I stubbed my toe on the base of my bed, now I can't wear my golf shoes.
178) I swung down on the ball.
179) I teed the ball too slow.
180) I think my ball is addicted to water. That's why it keeps landing in the river.
181) I thought blue markers meant 100 yards.
182) I thought I could ask what club you use without taking penalty strokes.
183) I thought if the ball is above your feet it will slice.
184) I thought that when I turned 40 I could play from the gold tees.
185) I thought the red stakes were a target towards the green.
186) I thought the right hand was supposed to be on top when I putt.
187) I thought the white stake on the side is what I was aiming for. I didn't realise it was out of bounds.
188) I thought this little shark on my shirt made me play better.
189) I thought this was a dog leg left. It looks like that from the score card.
190) I thought this was a par 5. I was laying for a par.
191) I thought this was a par six. I was just laying up.
192) I thought this was the nine iron, not the six.
193) I thought we were using the green over there.
194) I thought you aim halfway when chipping with a 7 iron.
195) I thought you get a Mulligan every hole. That's the way I was taught.
196) I thought you said dog-leg left, not right.
197) I thought you said, 'dog leg left.'
198) I took too much of a divot. It caused the ball to fall short of the 125 yards required.
199) I usually hit the driver off the fairway fine. The greens-keeper must be doing a poor job.
200) I usually just play the slice. Now I'm hitting it straight.
201) I just don't understand this game.
202) I usually play from the blue tees. Being this close confuses me.
203) I usually play with the club pro, bu the isn't here to give me tips.
204) I usually use titanium clubs. These tungsten clubs are too light.
205) I usually walk. This 'riding in the cart' is not allowing me to get in a groove.
206) I wanted to practice, but the range was out of balls.
207) I was bent too far forward over the ball to get spin on it.
208) I was better before I retired. I just don't have time to golf anymore.
209) I was in London the last three weeks and all it did was rain. I couldn't practice.
210) I was standing too close to the ball.
211) I was surrounded by trees.
212) I was thrown off the tour, so I haven't been able to play regularly.
213) I was up all night watching 'MASH' reruns. I didn't get any rest.
214) If the lip on the hole wasn't pushed up it would have fallen.
215) I'm afraid I might kill another bird - I just can't get over the fear.
216) I'm dehydrated from the heat.
217) I'm doing exactly waht my golf instructor told me to do, but the ball keeps slicing.
218) I'm exhausted - the batteries in my TV remote died yesterday.
219) I'm getting married in three hours - I can't concentrate.
220) I'm getting old, I used to beat you all the time when you were kids.
221) I'm getting out of the box fine - it's my short game that is so bad.
222) I'm gripping the club way too hard.
223) I'm having trouble adjusting to these left-handed clubs, but I did save £20.
224) I'm hung over from the 18 holes yesterday.
225) I'm just not releasing on the ball.
226) I'm missing some spikes on my golf shoes and it causes me to slip.
227) I'm not wearing my lucky golf strap.
228) I'm only playing for the charity.
229) I'm out of tees, but I have a bunch at home.
230) I'm pulling my club back too fast.
231) I'm tired because I usually never walk.
232) I'm too busy at work to get away and play. I'm inconsistent.
233) I'm used to playing courses with pine trees. The oaks are distracting.
234) I'm used to playing night golf. This daytime stuff confuses me.
235) In Ireland, they don't count when I swing and miss.
236) It has been a long week at work and my boss is a jerk. I can't relax.
237) It hurts too much to practice, with the war injury and all.
238) It is just too cold to play golf.
239) It must have been that last beer. I had a great round going.
240) It must have kicked the wrong way off of the hill because the shot looked perfect.
241) It rained all week and I couldn't practice.
242) It was easier to putt when I wasn't good. Now it's just too much pressure.
243) It's just too hot to be playing golf, I can't focus.
244) Its much windier on the west coast. I need at least 30 knots to play properly.
245) It's my first time playing golf this year.
246) It's not my swing - its' the clubs!
247) It's too humid. My shirt is sticking to my body. I need to start wearing deodorant.
248) I've been working on my MBA, I just haven't had time to practice.
249) I've only been golfing 20 years. I don't have my swing down yet.
250) I've only played with these clubs twice.
251) Just to beat my score, my father gave me hollow golf balls.
252) My allergies are killing me. I can't deal with all the pressure.
253) My angle of impact exceeded the reflection angle, causing me to duff the shot.
254) My arm moved too far to the left of the vertex.
255) My athlete's foot is causing me to mis-hit.
256) My back is sunburned, it hurts to swing.
257) My back swing is way too short.
258) My back-swing is too flat.
259) My ball has a scuff on it from hitting the pin on the last par-3. Now it spins too much around its axis.
260) My ball isn't white, I can only play with white golf balls.
261) My ball landed in a fairway divot because some lazy-butt didn't replace his divot.
262) My ball must have hit a sprinkler head. It ended up in the water. I never go in the water.
263) My ball ricocheted off that water pump and went into the woods. That should be a do-over.
264) My ball was buried in the sand. Some idiot never raked the trap.
265) My ball was resting on a tree stump.
266) My ball was wedged in the corner between the grass and sand. I had no shot.
267) My balls need to be cleaned and the washer is out of water.
268) My body is swaying too much from the alcohol.
269) My body tipped forward on the back-swing which opened the face of the 3-wood, creating a slice.
270) My brother took my good golf glove.
271) My caddie gave me the wrong club.
272) My calculator must have run out of batteries. Put me down for a three.
273) My calves hurt from running.
274) My carpet in my living room doesn't break like this green.
275) My cat chewed up my Thursday golf underwear. Now I have to wear Sunday's.
276) My cat tinkled on my golf glove, so I can't use it.
277) My chiropractor is out of town. I can't get loose.
278) My clubs are too old. These wooden shafts don't flex.
279) My clubs are too short. You know I grew two inches since I played last week.
280) My clubs need to be re-gripped. They keep slipping out of my hand.
281) My clubs were lost by the airline. I'm having to use rentals.
282) My country club's fairways are much better. These conditions are unplayable.
283) My dog chewed a hole in my good golf shoes.
284) My dog chewed up my golf glove...Now my club slips.
285) My dog had diarrhea last night. I didn't get any sleep.
286) My dog ran away this morning so I didn't have time to warm up.
287) My dog unrinated on my good shoes so I have to play in my sneakers.
288) My ex-girlfriend used to iron all my socks. I just can't do it the way she did them, damnit.
289) My ex-girlfriend's brother-in-law is an old golf pro. He used to give me free golf lessons. If we would have stayed together, I could have made that putt.
290) My feet must not have been parallel to the target.
291) My golf bag is too small. I usually have a larger selection of clubs.
292) My golf glove is wet. I can't get a grip on the club.
293) My grip just isn't comfortable.
294) My hair gel evaporated and now my hair keeps getting in my eyes.
295) My hands are sweaty and the club house had no soap.
296) My hands are too far to the left on my grip.
297) My hat is too tight. It's giving me a headache.
298) My knee hurts from my old high school football injury.
299) My lucky argyles are in my other golf bag. I can't putt without them.
300) My lucky hat is in my wife's car. Otherwise that putt would have dropped.
301) My old Caddy's notes are in Japanese and I can't interpret them since he was deported.
302) My other driver has a 11.5 degree loft, I can't hit a 9 degree driver.
303) My other driver is a 8.5 degree loft. I'm losing too much distance out of the box.
304) My pager vibrated during that putt.
305) My pants are too tight, but I think the girl in the bar likes them.
306) My putter shaft is bent.
307) My rain suit is at home. I don't play well while wearing wet clothes.
308) My rain suti is too tight and I can't swing my club smoothly.
309) My regular caddie was arrested. This guy is an idiot-he doesn't know a 3 wood from a 5 wood.
310) My shoes aren't tied tight enough.
311) My short game is my strong suit, not driving.
312) My short game is not what I focused on in my last lesson.
313) My socks are wet from the rain. I keep slipping in my shoes.
314) My subscription to that golf magazine ran out.
315) My swing looks perfect on video, I don't know what's wrong.
316) My tee had a crack in it. I usually only buy stuff made in the UK.
317) My tempo is off since the incident with the ball washer.
318) My thumb wasn't aligned with the club's axis.
319) My underwear is soiled from when that guy's ball almost hit me. It's very distracting.
320) My usual golf cart is a Lexus. This one is uncomfortable-it has no lumbar support.
321) My usual group is much better than you guys. They raise my level of play.
322) My wife didn't wash my lucky golf shirt.
323) My wife is a bitch and she doesn't let me out, but she has the money so I put up with her.
324) My wife is pregnant and I can't get any sleep-she nags and eats constantly.
325) My wife was awarded my balls in the divorce.
326) My wife won't let me play since having the kid. I knew I should have gotten a dog instead.
327) My wrists aren't breaking on impact.
328) No one has replaced their ball marks on the green, and my putt keeps angling off course.
329) On impact my hips went through too early and it opened up my swing, causing the ball to angle improperly.
330) One of my shoelaces broke on the back-swing.
331) Polo is my strong game.
332) Since breaking up with her, my house is dirty, so are my clothes and so are my balls. I can't concentrate with dirty balls.
333) Since cancelling my subscription for Golf Digest, I just don't play well.
334) Since filing for bankruptcy, I can only golf twice a week.
335) Since I got the implants, my swing just isn't the same.
336) Since shooting 68, I haven't been able to break 100.
337) So what if it was a three-footer. I was only trying to get the ball close, not make it.
338) Some drops of sweat fell in my eyes and I missed the ball.
339) Some idiot ahead of us keeps leaving sunflower seeds on the green.
340) Someone left a cigar burning on the green and it made my putt drift.
341) Someone stole my other clubs because I forgot to set the alarm on my golf bag.
342) That bee must be addicted to my cologne. It keeps following me from hole to hole.
343) That bird deflected my shot into the woods. I hope my ball isn't scuffed.
344) That car dealership overcharged me so I can't afford the good balls.
345) That car door slammed while I was swinging.
346) That duct tape just doesn't work as well as real grips.
347) That golf channel has me all screwed up.
348) That leaf blew in front of my putt!
349) That leaf rolled in front of my putt.
350) That pond wasn't there last week.
351) That shade of that tree got in my eyes.
352) That sunflower seed threw off my putt.
353) That tree wasn't there last year. This is a conspiracy.
354) That was supposed to be a practice swing.
355) The airline ground crew cracked my driver. I now have to tee off with my 3 wood.
356) The airline lost my bags. Again.
357) The alarm on my watch went off during my back swing.
358) The ball broke uphill. There must be a lake beyond that river.
359) The ball doesn't fly as far here as in Canada.
360) The ball just broke too much to the left.
361) The ball should go left if the ball is above my feet.
362) The ball was wedged up against the tree. I had no shot.
363) The ball washer was out of water, I couldn't focus with the speck of dirt on the ball.
364) The balls fly much further in Colorado. I can't get my distance gauged.
365) The cable went out at home last night, and I missed my last lesson on the golf channel.
366) The chipping area was closed at 3am. That's when I come to practice.
367) The club only had small buckets available at the range. I needed a large.
368) The clubs I ordered on the Internet haven't arrived. I'm stuck with these old ones.
369) The course doesn't let you chip on the practice green.
370) The curvature of the earth caused my putt to move away from its intended target.
371) The dew on the green slowed up my putt.
372) The driving range uses a different type of golf ball, I can't gauge my distance.
373) The driving range was closed.
374) The driving range wouldn't let me use any of my woods, only irons.
375) The fairway looks like it slopes to the left, not the right.
376) The geese keep following me. It makes me nervous.
377) The golf cart ran over my ball and plugged it.
378) The golf seminar I wanted to go to was sold out.
379) The golfers on the other tee box were talking and I couldn't concentrate.
380) The GPS on this cart is way off.
381) The grass bunker gave me no shot. Who the hell designed the course?
382) The green sloped differently last year.
383) The greens are much faster in Florida.
384) The greens are too fast. They are like ice.
385) The greens I normally play on are much slower.
386) The greens-keeper aerated the fairways too early in the season. I can't get any roll on the ball.
387) The greens-keeper hasn't mowed the green this week. Now the greens are too slow.
388) The ground is too dry. My divots are not coming off smoothly.
389) The group ahead of us is playing too slow. It's throwing off my rythym.
390) The guy on the golf channel hit these clubs perfectl every time. They don't seem to work for me.
391) The guys behind us are pushing us. They are making me nervous.
392) The hall keeps getting in my eyes. Maybe we should wait until the storm passes.
393) The head of my driver fell off during my swing.
394) The hole was in a different spot when I scouted the course this morning.
395) The instructor told me to play my slice and now I hit the ball straight.
396) The leaky faucet at my mistress's home kept me up all night.
397) The lessons I took on the internet are not working they way they said.
398) The library was out of the golf magazine.
399) The lie I had wasn't perfectly perfect.
400) The nearest golf course is 200 miles from my house.
401) The only tree on the entire hole and I have to hit it twice.
402) The photographer's flashbulbs are throwing off my concentration. I need to get off the tour.
403) The pin placement was different yesterday. It almost seems like they change it every day.
404) The wind is unpredictable today
405) The practice green was much faster.
406) The putting green was closed this morning.
407) The ranger keeps following me around. I can't focus when I'm being watched.
408) The rough is way too long. This is unfair.
409) The sand is much heavier in Scotland.
410) The sand trap should not be right in the middle of the fairway. Oh, I thought that was our fairway.
411) The slow play throws off my concentration. It shouldn't take 5 1/2 hours for a round.
412) The snow keeps getting in my eyes.
413) The sun dried out the green, the balls are rolling too fast.
414) The sun screen I put on my hands made them greasy and my club slipped.
415) The sun was in my eyes.
416) The tee box has no grass in it. I only play well at well-manicured courses.
417) The tee was leaning too far forward.
418) The video golf instruction tape I purchased didn't teach me how to putt.
419) The warden wouldn't let me practice all those years in prison.
420) The water in the creek wasn't this high last week. That would have been a great shot.
421) The weightlifting I am doing has made me too huge for golf.
422) The wind blew my skirt up into my face.
423) The wind held the ball up in the air. I knew I should have gone to church instead.
424) The wind keeps shifting directions. It seems we are always playing into the wind.
425) The wind keeps shifting when I hit.
426) There are no ball washers on this whole course. I can't play with dirty balls.
427) There is a nick on my ball so its spun out of bounds.
428) There is no port-a-potty, and I have to go bad.
429) There is no way that we are 500 yards out, its only 490.
430) There is too much goose crap on the course.
431) These are my wife's clubs. Mine are being re-gripped.
432) These are my wife's golf shoes. Mine are being re-spiked.
433) These are new clubs.
434) These are new golf shoes.
435) These balatas spin too much. I liked a harder shelled ball.
436) These balls don't fly as far as yours, but I got a good deal on mine.
437) These clubs are instruments of torture - I hate this game.
438) God, this toothache is killing me!
439) Oh... shame!
440) This copper bracelet is too tight on my wrist. I can't hold on to the club.
441) Titanium balls fly too far for my ability.
442) What do you mean, winter rules aren't allowed in the summer?
443) When I yelled 'fore', my caddie thought that was the club I needed.
444) When I'm on the practice tee the all always goes straight.
445) You are never watching when I hit a good shot.
446) Your farts stink. I can't concentrate, let alone breathe.
447) Oh damn, my mobile phone's on silent, vibrated just as I was taking the putt!