Written by j.w.

Saturday, 29 January 2011

image for The Worm Has Turned Working for GAPE

A new threat to the World was revealed to the world today by Prof Mann of the Biological Study Group at Oxford University.

'The worm has turned' Mann explained to a packed audience of scientists from throughout the world 'we are experiencing EXTRA GRAVITATIONAL PULL. This fearful development occurs in the earth's history spasmodically. The cause is deep in the earth's core. This explains the reduction in bird populations and it is reducing crop yields alarmingly. If we cannot deal with this problem everyone will starve.'

The shocked audience was silent. 'But we have a chance' continued the Professor 'it is GAPE, which stands for Gravity Anti Pole Experiment. We are altering the DNA of selected worms so they can resist the extra gravitational pull. We are alerting Government throughout the world and are asking them to help us by sending us their best worms for assisting with the experiment.'

There followed another talk by Prof Grimm and his brother - the Brothers Grimm - who gave instructions to those with compost heaps in their gardens. 'You will need a special metal flooring for your heap so the worms are not sucked down into the earth. Then you must catch the worms in a specially designed box which we will deliver through the local authority rubbish department. Then send your worms for the GAPE DNA alteration scheme.

Protests outside this shattering Conference by those who argued that Humans should not interfere with God's plans for worms were hooted at and the Police had to intervene to avoid ugly incidents.

The Race Against Time is upon us. The odds are not good, but we must try and save the world.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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