Following my appointment as the new Communications Director at no 10 I am initiating a new out-front policy approved by the Prime Minister.
This will be an open frank department and it is in this spirit that I release the transcript of some sections of my interview that got me the job, before Wikileaks gets hold of it.
Q Why do you want the job Womble?
A De money.
Murmurs of approval.
Q What experience do you have of the media?
A I write hilarious articles for the Spoof.
General sounds of approval
Q We could do with a few laughs around here. Now Womble tell me about your family.
A We come from Wimbledon Common. My father was someone who built himself up from nowhere. I went to the local comprehensive and started to write. After several media experiences I got my present job with Spoof against thousands of other applicants.
Murmurs of approval - 'Good working class background'.
Q So Womble - may I call you Jim?
A Of course David.
Chorus Jim Womble, Jim Womble of Wimbledon Common!
Q It runs nicely off the tongue. Now Jim, tell us about your plans for the Office.
A I shall try and portray you and your Government in the best possible light - it says here.
Q We're beginning to like you. So why are you a Tory?
A I heard this job was vacant.
Q I like your honesty, Jim Womble. When can you start?
A When Ossie's hacking pal Cookson leaves to write books like his mother.
So starting on Monday a new era dawns as the Womble of Wimbledon comes to the rescue of a failing programme and breaths new life into its advertising revenue.