Written by John Peurach

Friday, 21 January 2011


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for More Sundances With Wolves In Sheep's Clothing: Festival Dispatches Part 3 YOUR FILM HERE: Open it wide, hope it has a killer first weekend, and then, kiss your intellectual property goodbye.

PARK CITY, UTAH - Meanwhile, back in the states. Or, at least this here current state of like-mind, where a seemingly endless loop of films are still being run, seen, and talked about continually, whether anyone actually understands them, or not.

In other words, it's all a matter of potential, baby. And/or, what and who is gonna be flying high by the seat of some (hopefully) big money guy's well pressed, but decidedly groovy, not too slick slacks, once this here several day deal is once and for all, officially offish.

But, in the meantime, here are some more ultra-special films that should be arriving sometime soon, down at your local multi-screen Bijou.


A former TV writer turned globe-trotting, investigative reporter/international maven of intrigue, thinks nothing of repeatedly showing off her stunning nose for the news, especially when it comes time to smell a rat amongst the British Royals and/or go after all the business as unusual boys on goof ball parade on either side of the pond.

Needless to say it's high drama all around, with enough quick kicks into well deserving privates to ensure many a tilted halo of tears. But then, what do you except from the Queen of Getting Even when she's got an ultra-expansive, high end, Londontown flat full of shoes just right for every kick ass occasion?

Starring Janet McTeer like you've seldom seen her, with Saffron Burrows and Samantha Morton as her nifty back-up team of dynamic daughters, Robert Carlyle as her no nonsense/hands on editor, Eleanor Bron as her overly concerned Mum, and Timothy Spall as Mr. Bigwignochin, the would-be brains behind the ragtag gang of rural UK ruffians attempting to hoodwink their way into the hearts and minds of unsuspecting British folk, seemingly all too willing to lay down their pre-programmed minds whenever the X Factor, and/or the smell of another soon to be Royal wedding, is in the air.

Director Paul Greengrass, of course, keeps things moving at a fevered pitch, that, in the end, shows best how to mow down the opposition, when the time is right, and, like forever, right now!


As odd and as certainly challenging as they go, Jim Jarmusch's latest never break a sweat-a-thon pulls off quite the balancing act, as it works its sliver of tale - the mysterious goings on inside the lofty head of a hardcore, no nonsense, thorn in the local Jersey shore press corps, all because he names names and refuses to absorb any incoming backdoor payoffs, no matter how tempting, and/or, in the end, ultimately scary due to the otherwise ultra-violent tendencies of some gun running thrill seekers from Jersey City, the soon to be convicted Mayor of Toms River, and, his eventual hoped for getaway port of departure in Cape May.

Michael Imperioli heads an impressive cast that includes: Linda Fiorentino, Alicia Coppola, Robin Christopher, Milo Ventimiglia, and Adrien Brody.

Director Paul Thomas Anderson is more "Magnolia" than "There Will Be Blood," but I don't expect anyone to be complaining once they get a load of this down the shore epic that, thank Francis Albert, is entirely Snooki-free.


Voices in the head shouldn't be this much fun. But try telling that to Spike Jonze who, ever the masterful magician when it comes to far out types ("Being John Malkovich"), pulls out all the stops in this rollicking throwdown, which seemingly can't help but take an inventive, yet entirely unvarnished, "Repulsion"-like look at what always gets up to get down in the expansive mind of a decided square peg stuck in a 16th floor hole-in-the-wall world, of sorts.

Luckily, his trusty, multi-religious, wank-a-thon companion, and, of course, his busty, female alter (This!) ego never seem to get too much in the way of his consistently hilarious antics, as he full speed aheads it through an otherwise over the edge life that refuses to suffer people gladly.

Starring Gary Oldman as Mr. Monkey, with spiritual guidance support from Sammo Hung, and a full on display of ample, well coordinated implant assistance, provided by swell respected porn queen Carmella Bing.


I guess, Al Jolson was right. Or, at least somewhere in the neighborhood, because if you've missed any of these so far then, gosh by gosh, you really ain't seen nothing yet.

Oh, well. Rumor has it the sun will come out tomorrow. Which is indeed good news for all those sitting out there in the dark waiting for the next big thing to happen.

Cut, print it!


(Next: Part 4 - Tastes great, less filling, batteries not included.)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Topics: Sundance
More by this writer
Read full story
Read full story
Read full story
Read full story
Read full story
Read full story

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more