Written by Auntie Matter

Sunday, 9 January 2011


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image for Rowling's Last Interview Hanzoff Miwerk reads Potter

On the crest of a wave after her apparent victory over the Willy the Wizard team in New York when Judge Shira Scheindlin threw out their case against US publishers Scholastic J.K.Rowling gave a rare impromptu interview to a lone reporter at her Edinburgh mansion. She had assumed wrongly that Hanzoff Miwerk co-editor of one of Holland's leading intellectual mazazines had flown in to ask her questions about the case and her response to winning it. Hanzoff however had other things on his mind. What follows is an unedited account of the interview.

Q: You must be really delighted with your victory.

A: I am so, so, sooooo relieved I can't tell you.

Q: Of course, we are all familiar with the now fabled story of the idea you had on a train that began the whole Harry Potter phenomenon. Can you tell me some more about that?

A: Go right ahead.

Q: You must have been very excited.

A: I can't tell you. Ideas were just coming at a ferocious rate.

Q: And you didn't have a pen?

A: No. Silly me.

Q: Couldn't you have borrowed one?

A: Excuse me?

Q: Why didn't you borrow a pen?

A: I... I... never thought. Isn't that strange? You are the first person...

Q: It seems odd to me that you didn't have a pen in the first place seeing as you had just been flat hunting in Manchester as you said. And you were a compulsive writer.

A: I was too shy to ask.

Q: You were working as a secretary at Amnesty International, the African Department, and you were too shy to ask for a pen and you forgot to bring one with you or a notebook or diary even as you went flat hunting in Manchester? You must have been in a terrible state with all these fabulous ideas coming into your head out of nowhere.

A: Yes I was. Very much so.

Q: So you chose to stay in that terrible state for four hours rather than overcome your momentary shyness and borrow a pen as a good secretary would have done?

A: I waited until I got back to my flat in Clapham and then I wrote it all down.

Q: From King's Cross to Clapham at rush hour would have taken half an hour I would hazard. I just did the trip as a matter of curiosity. So, from the moment you were inflamed with your idea to when you actually got to write it down took four and a half hours roughly, give or take a few minutes.

A: I would say so.

Q; Why didn't you buy a pen and jotter at the shopping area of King's Cross station as soon as the train pulled in?

A: Excuse me, what magazine did you say you worked for?

Q: It's one of Amsterdam's most read periodicals.

A: What's it called?

Q: "The Plagiarist".

A: Chris! Chris! CHRIS!!!!

Footnote: Mr.Hanzoff Miwerk has since been contacted by Ms Rowling's legal team and it may be that The Plagiarist will have to shut down. Mr. Miwerk refused to comment as he had been, he said, "gagged by a letter of confidentiality". Rowling has released a statement via Bloomsbury her publishers saying that she will not be giving any more interviews.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: J.K. Rowling
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