Written by Inchcock

Sunday, 9 January 2011


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image for Oldham East & Saddleworth By-election Today Oldham East & Saddleworth By-election

The pollsters have Labour running away with it in the Oldham East & Saddleworth by-election today.

"The same, but completely different." - That's the electoral paradox that emerges from a couple of opinion polls on the Oldham East & Saddleworth by-election this morning. The Election at Oldham East & Saddleworth by-election today same, because both the Lord Ashcroft survey for the A Sunday

Telegraph and the ICM survey for the Mail on Sunday produce the same result as in the general election: Labour first, the Lib Dems second and the Tories in third.

Spoof reporter Inchcock Chambers comments in rhyme on his findings:

The candidates:
Labour Debbie Abrahams, the favourite it is inferred,
BNP Derek Adams, Tory Kashif Ali, Greens Ukip etc, no chance is the word,
Bus-Pass Elvis, Elwin watkins Lib-Dem, Mr Morris ED, press on undeterred,
Monster Raving Loony parties Nick "The Flying Brick" Delves, a nerd?

At Oldham today, these are some things I overheard,
Elvis tried talking, hiccuped, his speech was slurred,
Nick Delves was offering people a sandwich of lemon curd,
Labour brought Ed Miliband, to impress the voting herd,
Chubby Kashif Ali thanked folk for walking in the snow and not being deterred,
Although to get there his Tory crew were chauffeured,
The BNP would be glad to come in third,
Any higher hopes would have been absurd.

From the crowd Pirate Party's Loz Kaye was given some stick,
I asked for an interview with The Flying Brick,
He shouted back saying "Piss off you ugly prick!"
To David Bishop (Church of the Militant Elvis), who threatened me with his niblick,
ED's Steve then threatened me with a drop-kick.

All in all, not a pleasant election atmosphere,
Amidst the lies, false promises and the presence of fear,
I looked around for Willy Hague, with whom to have a beer,
Because I like him, and I did feel a bit queer.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Politics, Voting
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