Me old china plates! wots bin apenin on the home frunt.
Well, for a start, me old mans minces ave all gone to pot an he cant make his way down the frog to the rubba dub.
Course, hes got the right ump, an given me muvva a bak ander. I've gandered it, an bosh! I've given him a clump on the loaf an ees gone darn like a sak of tom tit.
While all this is gowin on, me skin an blister is havin a bull an cow wiv a moaner at the barra. Sum old diddy has stuk his bugle in, re the chattle she's given some old dear.
The old bastard has poked his finga at her muw an shes kicked him up the bottle and glass an sent the tosser on his heels. wot a fukin day!
Anyway, I've got me dad some gold watch, so hes in his cups, me mums gorn darn the market to give me sis an and, I've got a pony in me rocket an I'm goin to get brahms an list!
See yu next munth.