Written by Leonard of Troy

Thursday, 9 December 2010

A while ago, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, responding to Wikileak's release of classified cables, stated that others remarked "you should see what we say about you." Now, thanks to a spate of international cables released by a new web site, Wikilook, we now know. Some of these cables follow.

From the Chinese Ambassador to the United States -

"We have reliable information that President Obama, while stating his desire to "pass off" in the spirit of cooperation, actually hogs the ball during his frequent basketball games and takes more than his share of shots, most of which miss. Surprisingly, he blames his hogging on the other team. He also pouts about his missed shots, pushing matters of state to the back of his mind.

"To our advantage, he is apparently unaware that the American branded basketballs he uses are actually made in our beloved homeland.

"I suggest that in the future we make the balls ever so slightly larger. His increased aggravation will only work to our benefit as it may drive our currency dispute further from his attention."

From the Russian Ambassador to the United States -

"The Sarah Palin phenomenon is as much a mystery to us as it is to the Americans even though we can see her house from Siberia. Recently described as a nincompoop by a conservative columnist, nevertheless she is supported by millions of Americans.

"Since the possibility of her becoming president cannot be dismissed, it is in our interest to forge a relationship with her. I suggest we actively support her husband Tod's Iditarod racing effort by supplying him with champion Siberian huskies and Gulag brand really warm clothing.

"Ballet lessons for Bristol is also a possibility. In addition, a dictionary app for her smart phone wouldn't hurt."

From the Afghanistan Ambassador to the United States -

"We are being hurt by persistent allegations in the American press about corruption in our country. May I suggest that we use some of these funds volunteered (happy face) to us by various businesses and countries to support the campaigns of those American politicians who believe that so-called bribery in our country is really not that much different than money poured into their campaigns by lobbyists.

"This cannot be done openly of course but as our esteemed President Karzai has said, "the friend of my enemies friend is my enemy or friend, depending."

"Such statements confuse the Taliban and point to eventual victory. However this is my last cable. I'm applying for political asylum in Florida where condo prices are unbelievable, especially if you pay cash."

More to come.

This article was written by Leonard Malkin of Troy, Michigan who wishes to remain anonymous.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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