Global Warming. Alleged myth, or otherwise?
The world is getting hotter, and that's without pictures of Pixie Lott and Cheryl Cole on the Internet. But in a bid to keep your back garden nice and polar bear free, we give you our top five tips to ensure your world is safe and sound.
1) Don't use fossil fuels: they're antiques.
Treat them like you would with any antique. Ignored on a shelf in some creepy old man's bookshop: liable to break in the hands of small children. Warning: natural gas should in no way be stored in bookshops.
2) Go organic
Avoid Lidl for a start and go to your local grocers. The food is ten times better than anything you'll get from a tin can. Even organic tin cans taste better.
3) Pretend your life is an ITV1 Drama
By vacating from the old "British" life and moving to the jungle, you'll be cutting your Carbon emissions by 5 trillion percent (not counting the flying you'll have to do; additional breathing and potential risk of American colonisation in any jungles). You'll be an eco-warrior in no time.
4) Host your World Cup in a place it's never been hosted before
Somewhere where football is closely associated with the country. Like Qatar for instance. Oops, wrong article!
So there you go! Follow those 4 tips and you'll be well on your way to reducing your eco-footprint substantially; but potentially increasing your eco-headprint by a lot.