Garden City, KS - Dorothy Gail of Kansas turned 89 years old today. (Don't try to tell her she's older! Just a fair warning from one who tried!).
We caught up with Dorothy as she was out walking Toto the XII on a dirt road near her farm on her way to a reunion with other Wizard of Oz characters. "Dorothy how does it feel 71 years later to have returned from a magical world like Oz to our world and the mess it is in today?"
"Well I'll tell you what young man...you are a man ain't ya?"
"Last I checked Ma'am," I replied.
"Now don't get smart with me saspirilla, I'm too old for no lip from nobody, got it? Now as I was saying, I'm none to happy about the way things are going in the world.
Them politicians could learn a thing or too from the people of Oz. Take that Dick Cheney for example, I would have fed him to the Wicked Witch of the West, she loved men with bald heads! And she would have boiled that Iranian President Ahminiajobs, or whatever that rascal's name is...What they need in the White House is a real leader, like the Tin Woodsman, he has a real heart."
"Well is it real or is it just a clock like they had in the movie?" I asked.
"That was Hollywood youngster, the real Wizard of Oz gave him the real thing. Then they all came to visit for this reunion, even the wicked witches. There comes one now."
"WELL my pretty! Who have you got with you? Do you need a spell for him?"
"No Triple W, he's not really my type, just a reporter."
"Triple W?" I asked. She had a face that was closer to green melted candle wax than actual skin and from the smell of her breath she hadn't been laying off the one eyed newts either.
"Wicked Witch of the West sonny, say how about coming back to my castle for a spell?"
"No thanks," I said looking around for way out quick, "I've got to get this story in or my editor will kill me."
"Who Mark? Naaah! I just saw him last week honey, he's a regular customer of mine. Well if you change your mind I'll be over here lighting the Scarecrow's fire."
Just then a large bubble began floating down and all of the little Munchkins screamed and ran towards it. Out stepped Wanda, the Good Witch of the North. A Betty White like figure stumbles forward in fact it was Betty White.
"Who were you expecting silly, Billy Burke? Where's that stupid Wizard at he owes me $500 air fare for using my bubble."
"I don't recall that you old scab!" yelled a booming voice from behind a curtain at the side of the road.
"Oh give up the curtain you old fart, do you really think the Munchkins don't know who you are?"
"We don't care, long as he keeps the beer kegs flowing," said the Mayor of Emerald City, "He agrees to provide the beer, we agree not sing."
"So you see," said Dorothy, "Everyone here gets along pretty good, we don't have eternal youth like everyone might think, were getting old like the rest of you."
And so ended another day in Kansas, somewhere just over the rainbow.