Written by Temerius Frost

Wednesday, 29 September 2010


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People! Let it be known that from this day forth, forward, hence, and hitherto, I will no longer, in any single one of my posts, use the word "charitable". Allow an explanation...IF YOU WILL.

Let us break down the etymology of the word which will, as of my previous comment, never be mentioned by me, in any post, ever again. First, the first third of the word: "char". Many of you may, or may not be familiar with this word so I'll indulge those of you who are not familiar with it with a "char"acteristsic phrase that really captures the meaning of the word in a way in which the layman can truly understand it: The "charred" remains of my mother smoldered in front of my eyes as I watched the house I had known since birth go up in flames, and along with it any hope that I had of a happy life.

Notice the truly heinous nature of the word "char". Undoubtedly you will agree with me that any word with any part of its origin being the word "char" must imply something well…heinous. But if that's not enough, let's continue to the middle (the second third) of the word: "it".

While not inherently seemingly bad natured in itself, the meaning of the word "it" has been perverted by the very evolution of the dialect that we humans speak. To even utter the word to an adolescent or an exceedingly immature adult would invoke ideas of human genitalia, among other things. Among these other things: Sex, drugs, rock and roll, etc. (in the context of the phrase: "Let's do 'it'")

As we all know, sex, drugs, rock and roll, etc. have taken a huge toll on the morality of the American culture. Thus, the word "it" implies some sort of immoral act as understood in today's teenage "lingo". Finally, let us examine the final portion (the third third) of the Unmentionable Word.

"Able" does not initially seem to provoke any sort of feelings of fear or apprehension in and of itself. But as we've just seen, words are not always what they seem. In the case of the word "Able" using a technique developed in the late 1600's called "letter-play" we can change it into its original form: the name "Abel".

Now if you believe, as I do, that the Bible and the scriptures contain all knowledge pertinent to life on earth, then you will notice that the name "Abel" first appears in the story of Cain and his brother Abel. We all know how the story goes; I won't bore you with intricacies. However, it would appear that the name "Abel" implies a certainty of death to all those unfortunate souls upon whom the name has been bestowed.

You might then say, "Well Temerius, be reasonable, any person, upon which any name is or is not bestowed faces a certainty of death by virtue of being a person do they not?" It would be naïve of me to assert any idea to the contrary. But let me ask you this, do all names, when subjected to letter-play, become as common a word as "able". I think you would have to agree that they do not. And thus there is something significant about the words "Abel" and "Able" and their undeniable connection with death.

So I've explained to you, beyond a shadow of a doubt why, when broken down, the aforementioned Unmentionable Word contains a heinous and ungodly connotation. I hope that you will not judge my decision, for I believe it is the only moral path to take for one such as me, a perfectly moral agent. I also hope that you will someday see the infallible reason in this argument and join me in my abstinence. Thank you.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Charity
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