LOS ANGELES - Larry King who has interviewed everyone from the Beatles to Adolf Hitler recently interviewed Joaquin Phoenix, one of the strangest individuals to ever walk the face of the earth and that includes weird ass folks like Billy Bob "The Chump" Thornton, Andy "The Dick" Dick, "Dickless" Dick Cheney, and Amy "Woof-Woof" Winehouse.
Here is Larry's interview with the strange, strange man who used to look like he was a member of the Amish community and was hiding out in the USA's Witness Protection Program.
LARRY: Hello Joaquin and welcome to my show.
JOAQUIN: Thank you Sean, it's nice to be here.
JOAQUIN: I'm sorry do you prefer that I call you Mr. Hannity?
LARRY: Hey Phoenix boy, do I effen look like Sean "Fred Flintstone" Hannity to you you inbred looking potato head?
JOAQUIN: Sorry, I guess it's just kind of a little too early in the morning for me Larry.
LARRY: Early? Joaquin, it's 8 p.m. Central, 9 p.m Eastern, and 6 p.m. Western you Yiddish looking twit.
JOAQUIN: Come on Larry. Please don't hit me with all of these math figures so early in the day.
LARRY: Joaquin, you appeared on the David Letterman Show back in February and I must say that you made a total ass out of yourself.
JOAQUIN: And you're perfect or what?
LARRY: Shut up scumbag. I'm talking. You are my guest and you will talk when I tell you to talk.
JOAQUIN: Hey Kingy, you ain't talking to that black punk ass Kanye West, or that prison bitch Paris Hilton, or that ugly ass racehorse Ann Coulter, so watch the way you speak to me you archaic, old relic, cuckold.
JOAQUIN: I didn't stutter bitch face.
LARRY: Okay, that's it Phoenix boy, get the hell out of my studio and go back to whatever South American cave you have been dwelling in you hip hop wannabee.
JOAQUIN: Home run!
LARRY: Whatcha mean home run?
JOAQUIN: Well, I heard that's what your wife says whenever she's alone with her little league coach boy toy.
LARRY: Commercial! Mr. Director please cut to a damn friggin commercial before I take out my Glock 9 and shoot this effen son-of-a-bitch...