'So how did West Ham get on, Penny?' Mum asked.
'Oh dear. You must be disappointed.'
'So what was the score?'
'Was Terry upset?'
'But at least West Ham got one goal. That is an improvement on the first match.'
'That was away. It is really bad to lose 3-1 at home.'
'So it was a bad idea going, then.'
'It was quite an experience. West Ham actually scored twice but one was an own goal. We also missed a penalty and scored one.'
'Well, at least it wasn't a boring 0-0 draw.'
'I wish it had been. At least we would have got one point. Now we are bottom of the whole league.'
'There's always the next match Penny.'
'Manchester United away followed by Chelsea away. The two best teams in the League.'
'But it was still an interesting experience.'
'Yes I was sitting behind a genius.'
'He could tell West Ham were not offside whilst sitting behind the goal.'
'I asked him how he could tell West Ham were not offside.'
'He turned round and said I obviously didn't understand football, dear.'
'I think you understood better than him anyway.'
'Mum, how can someone be a fucking wanker?'
'You have been expanding your knowledge, Penny.'
'Fucking is sexual intercourse isn't it?'
'And wanking is masturbating?'
'So how can someone be a fucking wanker? If you wank you are not fucking.'
'I am glad your sex education has taught you this, Penny.'
'One good thing I learnt Mum. The West Ham Vice Chairman is a woman'.
'You have a good role model there Penny'
'At least West Ham have managed that, if nothing else.'