Dear mister editor of the Spoof. We are riting to let you know how we both luv the Spoof and all the luvly riters.
We are in the libary at Berwick Hills and the lass who werks 'ere keeps comin' to 'elp us with the computer.
We don't get the papers coz they can be ded borin' but wen our lad told us we cud use the computer in the libary, we star'ed reeding your paper.
We are thinkin' of riting for you coz we cud keep everyone up on wots 'appening over 'ere, like drug busts and the ASBO's which are gonna be chucked owt soon. That's ded gud coz they were no bleedin' use anyway, and the SASs bein' knocked on the ed. That's wot they 'ave in schools to test kids.
I won ten quid on the lotry last week. That's Takwana riting that bit.
The Boro lost there ferst bleeding game of the seeson to Ipswich 1-3.
Hey, Lady Godiva woz at the game with her owld man an' she bort a new Boro scarf coz her dorter 'as got 'er other one.
We saw 'er! Lady G. we mean, not er dorter coz she was in Canada, but Lady G. was on 'oliday 'ere for a few weeks.
We didn't get chance to tork to 'er tho coz the stewards took us out just before the end of the match-just for chucking stuff on the field.
Oh yeah....Anitakapita bought a littl bottl' o' voddie from Morrisons yesterdy and we didn't notice 'till we were in the toilets -we'd popped in for a swig - we didn't no that some sod 'ad been drinkin' out of i'.
Anitakapita 'ad laid it down with 'er shoppin' so didn't notice sum missin'. Well we cudn't teck it back and complain coz they'd 'ave sed we'd drank it ourselvs, which we 'adn't.
Well, tara for now luv. Let us no if you want us to rite things for the Spoof.
We're not shoor 'ow to end letters so we'll just say
Takwana Smith and Anitakapita Jones