LOS ANGELES - Larry King was successful in being the first American journalist to land an interview with one of Europe's most famous 'Ladies of The Evening' Monica Mint. She agreed to do the interview but only on the condition that Mr. King did not mention her rather humongously gigantic tits.
LARRY: Well hello Miss Mint and welcome to my show.
MONICA: Thank you Mr. King, but you can call me Monica.
LARRY: Thanks. And you can call me honey, sweety, or simply the stud. I've been married eight times you know?
MONICA: Yes. I think I read somewhere that you've had eight wives. I guess you must consider yourself to be America's answer to Henry the VIII, huh?
LARRY: I never thought of that before Monica, but it does make sense. Let me ask you is everything that I have been reading about your sexual exploits true.
MONICA: Yes. I guess so. With the one exception of me and that soccer team from Uruguay. That never happened.
LARRY: Are you sure?
MONICA: Of course, don't you think that I would remember going to bed with an entire soccer team?
LARRY: Yes. I guess you're right.
MONICA: I mean...it's not exactly like your wife who I understand went to bed with your sons little league coach.
LARRY: Ah Miss Mint, that is way out of line. You have no business asking me about my wife's adulterous affairs.
MONICA: Settle down chump. It's probably just a case of your wife getting tired of you coming to bat and always bunting. I'm sure that she wanted to be with a player that can still hit home runs...pure and simple.
LARRY: How do you know that I can't still hit home runs?
MONICA: I heard Oprah Winfrey say it on her show. And she said that she heard it from Ann Coulter, the woman they call "Trucker Face" I believe.
LARRY: It's "Trigger Face." They call the blonde skank "Trigger Face."
MONICA: Gosh Larry you are really upset aren't you?
LARRY: No it's just that I need a cigarette.
MONICA: Well it's your show, why don't you take out a fag and light up.
LARRY: What did you say? A fag? Are you calling me gay now, you sleazy looking, big bosomed bitch?
MONICA: Looky here, Mr. King. A fag is what in England is known as a cigarette.
LARRY: Oh. Okay.
MONICA: And Mr. King you agreed that you would not mention my big bosoms.
LARRY: Yes I did. And I am a gentleman. But I am also a lecherous old 76-year-old grouchy son-of-a-bitch and my goodness woman, how can I not mention your gigantically gorgeous tits when they are literally sitting on my desk top within arms reach.
MONICA: Mr. King, if you dare touch my puppies, I swear I will jump on the table and bite you on your wrinkled ass throat.
LARRY: Ah...Monica dear, you would have to catch me first. And with those two oversized melons the only thing that you're liable to catch is one hell of a chest cold.
MONICA: Mr. King you are nothing but a scum sucking, beanie wearing pampalooka.
LARRY: What the hell is a pampalooka?
MONICA: A pampalooka is a man whose wife is having sex with the little league coach of their little boys little league team while she (the wife) and the coach are in his (the husband's) bedroom in his bed watching him on TV while they're having a home run derby.
LARRY: Leave. Leave at once you street walking skank.
MONICA: My pleasure you filthy old suspender-wearing cuckold of an old punk ass.