Written by j.w.

Sunday, 1 August 2010

'Mr Cameron, we have to advise you that in diplomacy you never say what you think. You have, at the most extreme, to imply a tentative point of view.'

'That's all changed now'.

'Of course, you are right. You always are.'

'I don't mean I'm always right. I just like plain. straightforward speaking that doesn't beat about the bush and get tied in knots not saying anything relevant.'

'Of course, you are right. No one wants to see you tied in knots.'

'I really think we have moved on from the days of the Empire. We can face our friends in the other countries and speak what we know to be true.'

'Of course, you are right. The days of Empire have faded into memory.'

'I don't mean to criticise the Diplomatic Service. You are the backbone and heart of the British way of life. But we must move forward.'

'Of course, you are right. No one wants to sit still.'

'I am glad we are in total accord on this. The last thing I want to do is to suggest that you have not been talking straight in the past.'

'If I may, Prime Minister, could I speak plainly?'

'That is what you are for, is it not?'

'Thank you. I have been in the Diplomatic service most of my life. Serving Governments with different perspectives and I am proud to be your adviser on Diplomacy today.'

'We are all grateful to you for your service to the country.'

'But I have always told Prime Minister's when they have put their foot in it.'


'I don't think that was very diplomatic.'

'Of course, you are right.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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