Written by j.w.

Sunday, 4 July 2010

image for Sebastien has some bad news TERENCE IS A WANKER!

'That friend of yours, Penelope, is telling everyone about you.'


'He says he almost scored a goal with you!'

Penelope was crushed.

'What a cheek' she blurted.

'But he thinks you are wonderful. The best fan he has ever had.'

'If he thinks that is almost scoring a goal he must be a real twit.'

'Well, apart from football he is a bit of a twat.'

'I'll tell him tomorrow that I'm dumping him'.

Penelope's mother, Sylvia, noticed later that Penelope was upset.

'What's wrong, darling' she asked.


'Come on. I can see there is something.'

'It's Terence. He's been showing off about me. A real insult.'

'He's proud of you, darling'

'He's proud of himself, that's all. He's prattling on about nearly scoring a goal with me when all we did was kiss.'

'Well, I suppose that is scoring in a way.'

'Come on, Mummy. Everyone know what he meant.'

'You should have a word with him. Tell him you are not some kind of trophy.'

'Don't worry. I'll have a word with him alright.'

Next day was Penelope's opportunity to let out some of her grief.

'What do you mean, Terence, by saying you nearly scored a goal with me?'

'Who told you that?'

'Everyone knows. You did didn't you? Treated me like a trophy you could show off about.'

'I like you Penny.'

'Whose Penny? Another of your victims'?

'No it's you Penelope. Just a friendly way of saying your name.'

'You're no friend of mine. I'm dumping you Terry. It's over. Find another fish in your sea.'

'But Penelope you were so happy with me.'

'I was. But you used me. I don't like it.'

'I'm sorry.'

'So am I. But this is the parting of our ways.'

'Will you be watching me in the match on Saturday?'

'Seeing if you can score with someone else, you mean?'

'Don't be like that Penelope. Anyway, I hope you change your mind. You would inspire me.'

Penelope wasn't sure what to do. He had said he was sorry and he really meant it. But using her like that was so uncool.'

'I don't know what to do, Mummy.'

'Your father swanked about me darling. It's what men do. They have to impress people all the time. Like cocks in a chicken run.'

'Swanked? What kind of word is that?'

'An old fashioned expression. Showed off.'

'Sounds a bit like something else boys do.'

'Penelope! The things you learn at school.'

'That's it. I will go to the football match and shout; TERENCE IS A WANKER!.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
More by this writer
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Go to top
32 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more