Written by schama

Friday, 2 July 2010

1. Wayne Rooney is far more passionate than any German player, as shown by his 'plea' to fans for support after the Algeria game..."Nice to see your own fans booing you, that's what loyal support is, for f***'s sake." No German player would be passionate enough to do that..

2. England's captain actually had the dignity to get injured after arriving in South Africa. Michael Ballack, take note...

3. Rio Ferdinand had the good sense to at least board the plane so that he too would be forced to endure the "boring" 5-star accomodation the rest of the squad stayed in. A good leader sticks with his team through thick and thin, and leads through the hard times by example. Michael Ballack failed to even show up; again, take note...

4. Germany have a younger squad than England's (28.7yrs -> 25yrs), and as we know, "You can't win anything with kids..."

5. Germany have not got a single player who plies his trade in the Premiership. Therefore, they cannot be very good - after all, the Premiership is "the best league in the world." Phil McNulty, BBC's Chief Football Writer, says so. And England's entire squad is in it; see the logic?!

6. Fabio Capello is the better coach; famed for his tactical fluidity and the way he "picks his team on form," the Italian has revolutionised English football. England now play a fluid 442, and have picked the likes of Emile Heskey* "on form.." *(Heskey is without a league goal for 6 months..although he has been playing in "the best league in the world," to his credit...."

7. England have a much superior National Stadium to Germany's. Wembley is the "home of football," and is now fully equipped with "2,618 toilets in Wembley Stadium, that is more than any other stadium in the world." (Source: Wikipedia)

8. England are really good at penalties now. Official England sources promise us that "the lads have been practising every day since they landed." So, England really are better than Germany at penalties.

9. England have won the World Cup before. Do you want me to tell you about it? It was 1966, the day was radiant, the lads clad in the England red wore the shirt with pride and striding out like..OK, that's enough, I suppose. But we really have won it.

10. I support England, and I always have to be on the winning team!!

So, there you have it, England actually are bettert than those dastardly Germans...

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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