Inchcock Chambers, decrepit unpaid reporter, has discovered half a page of some minutes of a meeting, to discuss proposals for the future development of the England team, in a bin near Alcaster Gate. Here are the details:
In attendance: Chairman: Rogered Burden - Vice-chairman: Barry Notbright -General Secretary: Alex Gothehorn - Members: D Gilt (Man Utd) - Roger Burdened (Gloucestershire FA)
The drinks were brought in at 0915hrs, and champagne, whiskey, gin, mentholated spirits, and diesel were made available. After refreshments were taken at 1054hrs, the Chairman woke up the members, removed their jigsaw puzzles, and declared the meeting open.
First on the agenda:
England World Cup performance, the chairman asked each member present for comments/contributions:
Vice-chairman: Barry Notbright: "Yes, well, we'll see when the competition starts" (The Chairman pointed out to the member that it had already taken place and England were indeed out of the competition - much to the surprise of Barry)
General Secretary: Alex Gothehorn: "It was shame we had to face Argentina so soon" (The Chairman pointed out we had not played Argentina - surprise shown again from certain quarters
D Gilt: "We should not have taken Bobby Charlton off!" (The Chairman pointed out that this happened in Argentina and Bobby Charlton no longer plays for England)
Roger Burdened: D Gilt woke Roger up, to state: "Yes"
Second on the agenda: Considerations for the position of the current and future England Manager. The chairman asked each member present for comments/contributions:
Vice-chairman: Barry Notbright: I think it is essential that we continue to give our fullest support to Mr Robson... er, Keagan... or... are there any more drinks?...
General Secretary: Alex Gothehorn: He's got to go I'm afraid, I wonder if we were paying him enough in the first place, how he managed to destroy what little team-work and spirit we had anyway I'll never know, let's give Stanley Matthews a chance at the job... can he do worse?" (The Chairman pointed out that Mr Matthews had passed away long ago - but conceded that he would still probably have done a better job than Capello)
D Gilt, Put down his Health & Beauty magazine, and commented: "I think that Capello is a wise person, he even invested in my insurance company shares... yes he's got to stay! Stay I say.. Stay!... (At this point the minute's secretary lifted him back into his chair)
Roger Burdened: Essentially the collateral damage done, almost reaches the heights of the destruction of the actual team by the manager, and he should never have been appointed after the farce of that wife cheating, money grabbing Swede Sven Goran Eriksson. (At this a point of order was made by the Vice Chairman as he lit another cigar, that the comment breached regulations as it brought the FA into disrepute by suggesting that they had taken inappropriate action in taking on Mr Capello - this was upheld on a vote, I was instructed to remove this answer from the minutes)
There was some little more writing on the page, but this was indiscernible due to the Raspberry jam stains on it.
There was no comment from the FA.