Our reporter Inchcock Chambers, amazingly managed to procured an interview with James Gordon Brown, now in retirement, and so sadly missed by the piss-takers of this once Great Nation. Here is an outline of the meeting, held at J G Browns fourth home, an estate near Notbothurdnow, in Derbyshire.
Inchcock: Well, Sir, how are you managing to cope with being out of power?
Brown: Well, it gives me more time to monitor my Swiss Bank Accounts, BP investments.. and they need attention now.. and I'm trying to get to know the dogs again, and stop them biting me so often, and I've taken a job with one of the many companies I have shares in, 'McCulintyre Single Malt', an associated company of 'Backhander Amalgamated' as a qualified tester. I also supply, at a reasonable cost, business advice to CEO's, through my Advisory Company that the wife set up for me, called 'Nepotistic Allergy and Strenuous Troublesome Yantra's (Diagrams composed of interlocking geometrical shapes, most typically triangles, used as symbols of various aspects of the divine, to confuse workers shareholders and investors) commonly referred to its initials, NASTY. Can't think why they ask me to do it, perhaps it's because of my wonderful record in human relations?
Inchcock: Perhaps you should have called the company, Brown's Irresistible Get-an-advantage Over Turds?
Brown: Why ever that name?
Inchcock: Then it could be called BIGOT after its initials! At this point Inchcock laughed out loud!
After he had been man-handled out of Mansion by Browns body-guards and hurled head-first into his Skoda Estelle with various bruises developing on his body, and was being escorted out through the gate, Inchcock could not help but think "I said the wrong thing there"!