Written by Lady Godiva

Tuesday, 22 June 2010

image for Takwana Smith and Anitakapita Jones, of Cargo Fleet, Middlesbrough, Subo fans, discuss Euthanasia with Lady Godiva When you've gotta go, you've gotta go - BUT would YOU like to choose the time, place and method?

I, Lady G., recently met with two of my favourite 'new' Subo fans, Takwana Smith and Anitakapita Jones, of Cargo Fleet, Middlesbrough, N.E. England, (formerly Cleveland, before that, Teesside and before that YORKSHIRE - go figure!)

I am always delighted to interview this unusual 'pair'. This time I was interested in their views on 'euthanasia' as I had just finished reading an article on the subject of 'euthanasia in Holland'. (Read my article at 'The Spoof' on this subject, recently published, I HOPE!! 5 star ratings only please.)

When I asked Takwana and Anitakapita about 'euthenasia', they gave me a strange look and Takwana commented,

"Youth in Asia yer say? Well, A think most a'them are over 'ere now aren't thee? There can't be many teeny boppers LEFT in Asia. Well, just look at all our corner shops and stuff. Most are owned by folk from Pakistan and India and we just love a good curry don' we Anita?"

"Yeah. Too bloody true we do. Even Morrisons and Iceland sell frozen curries don' thee? As fer thee youth in Asia, like Takwana said, carn be many left there now."

Takwana asked me why I was interested in Youth in Asia. I explained to them the meaning of "EUTHANASIA" and the pair looked at me as if I was nuts.

"Ye wo'? People get someone te kill 'em coz they don't feel too good? Bugger tha' for a bag o' Walkers' prawn cocktail crisps in'i'?. Bleeding loonies. Christ! Arm gonna stick 'round as long as A can, pain or no f****ing pain - pardon me French! Oo the 'ell knows wo' 'appens after yer die? A friggin' don'. D'you?. No buggers ever come back te tell us."

Anitakapita agreed 150 per cent. She said,

"Well, arl go t' the foo' of our bleeding stairs - I agree a 'undred an' fifty percent, wo'ever tha' means. I 'erd someone say it on the telly. Thing is like, a' know arm a bi' thick like, but A was told at school by 'Spotty Gotty', our Maths teacher like, tha' ye carn do be'er than a 'undred percent. Anyways, back te those silly beggars ye,rv bin tellin' us abou'. Why, in Christ's name would they get someone te' kill 'em if they woz already dyin' anyways? 'Ey, Lady G. can A lend yer mobile for a mini'? Our lad's go' marn an' A wanna call 'im te le' 'im know yer 'ere. 'E asn' me' yer ye' and told me to ring next tarm yer come 'ere."

I obliged and loaned her my phone. Needless to say, I haven't seen it since.

More to follow

Writer's note: Spoof Writer, Harold Q Fuey, denies me my 'Yorkshire Roots'Also, I have just corrected my spelling of Euthanasia.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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