Written by Charpa93

Saturday, 19 June 2010

image for What if Tony Hayward Had Spoken Honestly?

Washington, D.C. - This past week, BP's CEO, Tony Hayward appeared before an angry U.S. Congress to answer questions about the disastrous BP oil platform explosion and subsequent oil spill. While many, including the Chairman of BP said following Hayward's performance that Hayward is not up to the challenge of being the "face of BP" during this disaster, one has to wonder if Hayward isn't actually smarter than he leads everyone to believe.

What if Tony Hayward, instead of regurgitating the answers his lawyers told him to say (as I believe happened), he had told the truth that day on Capitol Hill? What kind of hot water would BP be in then? Let's imagine:

Rep. Joe Barton (R-Texas): First of all, Mr. Hayward, may I say what a lovely tie that is you're wearing? Oh, and by the by, I just want to apologize on behalf of me and the entire American population for shaking you down for that $20 billion.

Hayward: Well, truth be known, sir, it's not really going to affect me all that much because even though our stock is taking a nose dive, I had the foresight to cash in a lot of my stock options weeks before the oil spill disaster and was able to pay off the mortgage on my mansion in England, so we're good.

Chairman Henry Waxman (D-California): We are holding these hearings to determine how to proceed on future decisions regarding allowing or disallowing future oil drilling. Don't you think it would be in your best interests to be more forthcoming with your responses?

Hayward: Are fu*king shi**ing me? You are still considering more drilling after being faced with the biggest environmental disaster in your country's history? You honestly want me to answer that question without breaking a smile?

Rep. Bart Stupak (D-Michigan)(after listening to an endless stream of "I wasn't there and we'll have to wait and see what the outcome is of the investigations): Mr. Hayward, are you the CEO of BP?

Hayward: Well, now, that depends. As of this morning I was the CEO, but I have no idea what the Board of Directors is doing at this precise moment, so I can't truthfully answer your question.

Stupak: But you were the CEO when the Horizon platform exploded?

Hayward: Yes, that is correct.

Stupak: Then as CEO, you knew about the day-to-day operations of that oil platform, did you not?

Hayward: No, of course not. We have people to do that sort of thing. I'm just a figurehead, kind of like the Queen of England, except, of course, I'm a man.

Waxman: Can you please just tell us if BP cut corners and that the end result was this disaster?

Hayward: Oh, hell, why not? I'm pretty sure I'm personally ruined so who cares at this point who I bring down with me. The truth, you want the truth? You can't handle the truth! (he said mockingly) and then he laid the cards on the table. Yes, Mr. Chairman, we knew this was eventually going to happen and it's going to happen on more of our rigs. Now, are you happy? Can I go home now?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Oil Spill
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