Written by Lady Godiva

Sunday, 6 June 2010

image for Florida resident-Chuck Canuck of Port Dover, Ontario, Canada, worried about tourism as a result of tar balls washing up on local beaches Heading for Florida's coast. Residents concerned about economy

Florida inhabitants are worried about the effects the recent oil rig explosion will have on their economy.

As news of 'tar balls' washing up on Florida's hitherto pristine beaches, reaches them, many elderly inhabitants of Florida find their blood pressure rising.

One resident of Pensecloa, Chuck Canuck, who retired to Florida several years ago, from Ontario, Canada, told our reporter,

"It's so sad eh? Me and the wife, came here from Ontario a few years back, to enjoy our retirement eh?. Sunshine, clean beaches. We lived in Port Dover where the beach wasn't so clean and Lake Erie was gettin' polluted by them industries at Nanticoke eh? Bloody U.S. Steel recently bought out Stelco, a Canadian Company, then tried to drive it into the ground, putting the Canadian guys out of jobs, but hell, I'm getting off the subject now.

"Well now this here oil spill has come along. Tar balls on our beaches because of some freaking BP executives not getting a grip of things. At least, they're gettin' the blame, but Barack Obama might have something to do with it as well. I'm just not too sure of that at the moment. It's just what you hear some 'Mericans saying 'round here eh?

"See, I was a fisherman before I retired, fishing for perch on Lake Erie. Lovely job. Brought up 8 kids we did, me an' the wife, on fisherman's pay.

"Now I'm pissed off because fish are dying as a result of this oil spill. Also, what's our economy down here going to be like in the future? Fewer tourists equals less money coming into our coffers."

A young American, Rip Storm, who was standing to the right of Chuck Canuck, on hearing Chucks comments, he joined the conversation and added,

"I really don't think there's any need to be worrying about the local economy, because some of my friends are vacationing here, as I am, and we go to the beach daily and collect tar balls.

"We are making a helluva lot of money selling them on e.bay to people all over the world, who seem to want a piece of history. Christ we are making a killing. We have pledged to give the local government here 25% of our earnings."

On hearing this Chuck Canuck smiled, congratulated the young man on his entreprenership, pulled up his black socks, adjusted his plaid cotton shorts (pulling the waist up to his underarms), and, just before he bade us farewell he said,

"Oh, I do hope you guys are following that wee lassie, Susan Boyle from Scotland. She's amazing. I'm not just saying that because I was born in Blackburn, Scotland, and went to school with her older brother. No! I do really love her voice and wish her well."

At least one Snowbird received good news today.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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