It makes me really, REALLY angry that the judges on Britain's Got Talent are so homophobic. We had that drag queen who dressed up as Lady Gaga - he got short shrift, and then we had that bloke who mimed to a Madonna song with a shit dance. Admittedly, the Madonna impersonating bloke wasn't properly gay, but he still got voted off because they thought he was gay. I mean, COME ON! If that's not anti-gay I don't know what is. My vote goes to the dancing gay dog.
Rick Hudson, Westward Ho!
If anybody would care to escape from the frenetic and frequently all pervading violent drug fuelled alcohol abusing craziness that is modern Britain, they could do a lot worse than visit my sister Daisy's tea shoppe in Cromer. She really does serve the most excellent cream teas and has a delightful array of cakes on the sweet trolley.
Mr Godfrey, Walmington On Sea
I'd like to advise your readers to avoid Frigghall On Sea like the plague. It's crap. There's nowt theer. And it's ollus blowin a gale. Even shows are crap. We went ter see Cannon and Ball and we dint laff once. That were me and wife and Maisie. We expected better from little Bobby, thought he'd at least nut somebody, burree says he's gorra bad back. That's no friggin consolation when tha's forked aht two pund friggin fifty forra ticket. Shit it is.
Prince Andrew, Duke Of York, London.
(Duke of York pub, and he's not really a prince, just some ex coal miner from Rotherham - Ed)
I'd like to express my outrage at the traditional song, 'Ten Green Bottles' We had a barbecue in our back garden on the estate where I live, and when me and my brother in law, Terry, stood ten green bottles on the back wall and started lobbing half bricks at them... None of them accidentally fell. They just stood there mocking us, while some miserable bitch of a neighbour called the police because one of the half bricks hit her daughter - who was passing by the back wall - on the head. Requiring stitches and an x-ray. She says she'll press charges. Some people have no fucking sense of humour.
Big Dave and Tex, Salford