Written by Skoob1999

Sunday, 30 May 2010

image for Letters To The Editor - Part One Oh Bugger! Me Pen's Run Out! - Parker Biro - Wembley

Sir,

I would like to nominate Ashley Cole for this editions 'Twat Of The Month Award' for his appalling display against the Japanese. He was supposed to be on the post for that corner, and the ball goes in through his legs. He wasn't that slow in texting photos of his underpants to Page Three bap-flashers, was he? Twat.

Q Leap, Devizes.

Sir,

These pop stars you see on the telly appealing for money for charity make me sick. If they stopped sticking drugs up their noses and spent a bit less injecting Special Brew and gave the money to the poor instead, the world would be a much brighter place. Except at night time.

Nat Swatter, Carlisle.

Sir,

When I hear Lady Ga-Ga singing Poker Face, is it just me that feels like hitting her in the face with a poker? Or does it affect other people that way too?

C View, Southport.

Sir,

Three cheers for the supermarket giants who have vowed to stop selling cut-price alcohol. It's a fantastic marketing strategy. Now all the people who have become booze addicted will have to pay the going rate, and the profits should help us pull out of the recession.

Stella Tennant, Stenhousemuir.

Sir,

What's the point of having a coalition government that doesn't sell coal? They should be prosecuted under the Trade Descriptions Act.

G Brown, London.

Sir,

If everybody in the country declares themselves bankrupt, we'd all have more disposable income in our pockets and be better equipped to spend our way out of recession.

Philly Blunt, Macclesfield.

Sir,

It's about time that young people were warned of the dangers of drinking like a fish, and sticking as many illegal drugs into your body as possible. It hardly ever results in a happy ending.

D Hopper, Hollywood.

Sir,

As the World Cup's being staged in South Africa this year, it surprises me that FIFA haven't opted to let some lions loose on the pitch during matches. Surely that would add a little extra spice to games and make off-the-ball incidents more interesting.

Mrs N Slack, Gorleston.

Sir,

The other day down the pub I was told off for lighting a cigarette. Yet a gay bloke in a lycra leotard ordered a tomato juice, and they didn't tell him off. Where's the justice in that? Country's going to the dogs if you ask me.

Rob Banks, Spennymoor.

Sir,

I saw Danny Dyer down my local last night, and when I offered him out on the car park for a fight he didn't want to know. Hard men? I've shit 'em.

Big Dave, Streatham.

Sir,

This is all a bit embarrassing, but I went to do a number two this morning and it wouldn't flush away properly. When my wife came to my assistance, she referred to the recalcitrant number two as a 'lilo' Does anybody else's wife have vaguely amusing names for embarrassing number twos?

Dai Rhea, Caernarvon.

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