Italy becomes the latest European country to announce tough austerity measures in an effort to reduce its deficit.
Here are some of the measures to be instituted presto:
1) All fettuccini will be half as long as before to save on labor costs
2) Old underwear instead of costly corks to stopper Chianti fiaschi
3) Increased use of garlic breath as an alternative energy source
4) Lay off all governmental "gladiators" at the Colisseum.
5) In order to promote tourism, attract tourism spending, and avoid repulsing fat-cat visitors, Italians with underarm hair will be penalized a 15% tax surcharge...men too!
6) Organized Crime: Only 1 kill-shot per victim
7) In order to promote tourism, attract tourism spending, and avoid repulsing fat-cat visitors there will be a 10% surcharge on all facial moles....men's too!
8) Italians will have to work at least one day a week.
9) Only religious holidays that begin with the letter "O" will be considered national holidays; otherwise you work!
10) Ancient Roman ruins will be chopped into 1 cm bits and auctioned off to the highest bidder.