Written by Bureau

Friday, 21 May 2010


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image for Welcome To Adventures In Census Taking! Today's Subject: The String Theory! Only One In Twenty Believe in The String Theory

According to the 2010 Census figures of "questions at random", only 5% of the people in Kentucky believe in the String Theory.

"I don't care what that PBS show what I watched said. There haint none sech thang as no Strang Therry. My daddy collected strang for forty years at that place the police come and took him to. He'd knowed more than anybody else bout that strang and I asked him. Pa...I always called him Pa, him being my daddy...Pa, whats that strang theory bout? He jest looked me in the eye and spat a brown wad outa his jaw and said, 'Haint no theery, hyar it is!' And he gots out that ball of strang rolled up behind his rubber chair.

Next we visited Joe Bob's Scratching Parlor.

"You can take my senses too but if you want a scratch job, it's 50 cents from the waste up and $1.00 for the waste down. Extra quarter fer cracks. That'd be fer ten minutes of perfessional scratching. Here, Miss Tilly. Put your blouse back on. That there's miskeeters causing that."

"But I coudunt reached to scrach, Joe Bob. I be back in a hour."

"Poor ole thang is 90 if she's a day. Those wert her tits hangin below her knees you was gawkin at! Can't reach nuttin...my best customer."

"Now about this String Theory!"

"Hold it rite there, Mister. We discussed that at Nelly's Place over beer at our Thank Tank and haint none of us here believes in them multi diversions. What those people what thunk that up was seeing weren't no diversions. They was seeing plain ole everday HAINTS!"

That's it for todays "Adventures In Census Taking".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: census
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