Written by Earl Grey

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

image for Who's Who In New Cabinet Mugabe was hoping to be given the agriculture brief

Many people may be confused about the British Government. Here we provide a cut out and keep guide to the new cabinet.

Prime Minister: Lord Snooty. Old Etonian, Bullingdon Club, champagne swilling Dave the Rave. Likes beating servants and toasting crumpets on teenage boys.

Deputy Prime Minister: Nick Fagg. Promises to do whatever Lord Snooty says in return for a chance to pretend to be the PM.

Chancellor of the Exchequer: George Strangeone. Mad, eccentric. Thinks the moon is made of cream cheese. Likes sex with cows.

Home Secretary: Theresa May. Veteran pornographic model and actress. Collects shoes.

Foreign Secretary: William Vague. Beer swilling Northerner, who once dreamed of the top job. Delivers beer in Dewsbury before going through his ministerial boxes.

Health Secretary: Oliver Letswinwithliberals. Twisted, evil individual who wants to privatise sick people.

Defense Secretary: Lord Pantsdown. Wants to get deep behind enemy lines and shag their women.

Trade and Industry Secretary: Bruce Forsyth. Better known for his dancing skills, Forsyth is also a veteran politician who likes to switch channels frequently.

Other positions are yet to be announced, but Gordon Brown is said to be available.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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