Written by matwil

Monday, 2 November 2009

image for Now Scottish Commonwealth Games athlete Liz McColgan joins the celebrity song craze with her version of The Beatles' 'Back in India': Pilau Rice and George 'Delhi Belly' Hindu Kush

'Flew in from Broughty Ferry beach last night
Jeez my husband he can snore
Ate a red hot curry that tasted shite
Threw up on the bathroom floor

I'm back in India
You don't know how lucky you are, guys
Not here in India

Been so many massacres I hate this place
Gee I wish I was back home
John, pass me over my medicine case
Can't you hear my stomach groan?

I'm back in India
You don't know how lucky you are, guys
Not here in India

Well the Mumbai guys really shoot real fast
Leave no tracks behind
And Madras food makes me puke and fart
Dundee stovies are always on my ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma mind

I'm back in India
You don't know how lucky you are, guys
Not here in India

Show me to the airport with my chalk tablets
Bring another brown sick bag
Shoot those fecking sitar players in the lounge
Their music is an awesome drag

I'm back in India
You don't know how lucky you are, guys
Not here in India

Calcutta men really know how to beg
Wives and kids all near behind
Had to run ten thousand metres from them
Commonwealth record, quick time!

I'm back in India
You don't know how lucky you are, guys
Not here in India

Show me no more curries or pots of cold tea
Or bottles of Cobra beer
Bullet-proof vests will slow our runners down
Better if we weren't even here

I've left India
We don't know how lucky we are, guys
Away from India

(words by Liz McColgan; music by John Lenin/Lord McCartney; sag aloo with pilau rice by Ravi Shankar)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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