Tenders are invited for the supply of a United Kingdom government. The present public/private partnership has broken down, is obsolescent and must be replaced before next April Fool's Day.
It is envisaged that companies such as Halliburton, Brown& Root and the Royal Bank of Scotland would be exemplary offerors.
Scope Of Supply: Offerors are to provide a complete government, to include parliament (2 houses), a judiciary service, an executive branch (similar to today's Civil Service, but with no staff holdovers). Police, taxation and revenue service requirements are detailed in Appendix A to Annex V.
An army, navy and air force will be required. Offerors are to open discussions with the present services with a view to subsuming them in a future Privatised Finance Initiative Government. There is no need to offer to re-equip the present armed forces as their missing £7 billion of equipment has been located in a shed in Worcestershire.
Payment Terms: None. Since the new government will be passing its own laws, there is no need even to think about money at this stage.
Pension Scheme: A traditional MP's Expenses fiddle is to be included in all offers.
Elections: No longer required. Offerors currying favour by offering public participation by vote in the future government will be deemed non-responsive and will be disqualified.
Documentation: All newspaper and other media have been frozen by order of Lord Peter Mangelson until the tenders are opened.
Response and Due Date: 2 copies (1 paper and 1 copy in Word and Excel) are to be delivered to Lord Peter Mangelson (Minister With A Finger In Every Pie) at "The Cottage, Hampstead Heath, London WC, by 1230pm on 25 December 2009.