Written by chris2303

Thursday, 19 August 2004

The short answer is midgets. More specifically, midgets belonging to the long established terrorist network, smAll-Quieda. Yes, you may find all this slightly amusing, but only the very foolish underestimate the sophisticated ideals of those people who look like very, very old six year olds.

The biggest mistake people make is not seeing midgets (!) as a serious threat to anything above knee level. Indeed, it is this prejudice that has fuelled a deep seeded hatred within midgets belonging to the smAll-Quieda terrorist network. Their resentment for Westerners who qualify to go on all the good rides at Disney World is mirrored in their atrocious acts against humanity, all of which have formed significant parts to our history.

When The Titanic sank, in 1912, it was largely believed to be the fault of a stray ice berg which had torn a fatal hole along the hull of the ship. Many years later, these “facts” were re-established to the world using state of the art technology, a handsome man, and another long-winded song from that bird with the huge nose (Celine Dion), all wrapped up in the form of the bizarrely titled film, ‘Titanic’. But what really happened on that fateful night? Did the ship sink because of an oversized ice cube? One eyewitness account suggests differently…

The thought that our ship wouldn’t even make it across the pond had never even occurred to me, or anyone for that matter. Until, that is, I heard the panic-stricken voice of one of the crew members.

“MIDGET, DEAD AHEAD” screamed the young crew member. It was then I realised that many people were going to lose their lives on that cold, unforgiving night. I watched in terror as the midget jumped off his makeshift dingy (looked like a child’s armband) and cut a hole in the side of the ship with an axe.

In 1941, the Japanese air force had planned a day trip out to Pearl Harbour, where they intended to take some pictures using their state of the art digital cameras. Unbeknown to the Japanese, suicide midgets crammed with explosives had hidden themselves inside the loading bays of the planes. When the hapless Japanese flew their planes over Pearl Harbour, more than 5,000 suicide midget bombers jumped out and took vengeance on all those who had to pay adult price at the cinema.

Most recently, midgets were responsible for the events of September 11th. Although the world is convinced these attacks were the work of Al-Quieda, it was in fact the smAll-Quieda network who perpetrated these acts. Almost 10,000lbs of TNT (TinyNitroTerrorists) were hidden in the wall cavities of the Twin Towers. The two Boeings served only as a diversion, with the real damage coming from the suicide TNTs who ultimately caused the collapse of the towers by emulating a huge controlled explosion.

In conclusion, it would be wise to respect the midget population. Since their smallness affords them the gift of impunity from detection, they remain a constant threat to the security of the world in which we live. Just like regular weapons of mass destruction, weapons of midget destruction are impossible to find. Please be aware of this danger, and remember, small talk costs lives.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Midgets, Mistake
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