Written by Earl Grey

Saturday, 11 July 2009

image for Dust Man Chapter 4: Where You Bin All My Life? Strange Noises Were Heard Coming From The Red Bin

DUST MAN looked at Bob Beerspiller. He looked at Steve Kitchen and Charlie Patel. "Give up XS! You have no idea just how powerful I have become."

"Never, DUST MAN! Your bluffing might fool some criminal masterminds who are hell bent on the removal of all wheelie bins from the UK, but it wont work on me."

DUST MAN sighed. He knew that he was going to struggle to save all of his friends. He was going to have to choose. But who? Bob Beerspiller ran the depot. Without his steady hand at the helm the business might suffer and that would mean redundancies. But... Steve and Charlie were his friends. He would never find another driver with a Duffy fixation like Steve, or a loader with such a miserable disposition as Charlie.

Damn! This was tough. Why did it have to end this way? Why couldn't he go back to just being Dave Rice, dust man? Why was he talking to himself?

Suddenly, nothing happened. But it was a sudden type of nothing. You know, the type of nothing that a writer might use in order to pad out chapter 4 of a serial about a super hero.

Then her voice! "DUST MAN! Let me help you. I'll get Bob, you save the others!" The unknown female sprang as if from nowhere. She was stunning. Big, powerful arms. Short, muscular legs. And a massive pair. Yes, those were big earings. DUST MAN got under the dust cart and levered it back to safety. Steve was able to start the motor up again. "Good work DUST MAN!"

Bob Beerspiller was also safe. He had been carried to safety by the unknown woman. He climbed aboard the dust cart. "Come on lads. Lets go to the pub. The drinks will be on you!" said Beerspiller.

So. Alone at last, with the woman of his dreams. "Hi, I'm the DUST MAN!" he said, somewhat obviously. He regretted such a naff opening line.

"I know! I'm NON-SMOKING BAPTIST WOMAN! And I've bin looking for you!"

"You've bin looking for me?! Holy bin liners! And what happens now you've found me?"

With that, NON-SMOKING BABPTIST WOMAN leapt on DUST MAN. She tore wildly at his spandex. She ran her powerful fingers all over his body. Then she...

To Be Continued.....

Nana Nana Na Na Nana Nana DUST MAN!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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