Written by Earl Grey

Thursday, 9 July 2009

image for Dust Man Chapter 2: Holy Bin Liners!

Dave Rice was a dust man. That much everyone knew. A cheery soul who was always ready to lend a helping hand.

Yet Dave Rice was not just a dust man. No. He was the DUST MAN. A masked super hero who knew no fear. The DUST MAN kept the citizens of West Cheam safe from the evil Dr XS.

Dave was in the yard with the other members of his crew: Charlie Patel, a rather bitter individual who once had his own recycling business but he had been forced out of business by his rivals, and Steve Kitchen, a driver with an unhealthy Duffy fixation. Yes, everyday in the dust cart Duffy's latest album would be blaring out and Steve would sing along-badly.

Dave smiled. They were good guys really. But if only they knew. Just then his quiet contemplation was shattered. "Oh my God! The dust bins in Common Avenue are overflowing!" cried depot manager Bob Beerspiller. "what are we gonna do?" Everywhere there was panic. Except for Dave. He needed a diversion. "Look! There's that bird from the office next door!" All eyes turned to the street. Dave immediately jumped into the red wheelie bin. It was a bit of a struggle changing into his spandex super hero's outfit, but he managed. Out from the bin he climbed. "DUST MAN! But how?" cried all the guys.

DUST MAN set off for Common Avenue. He took the short cut through Poo park-not one of his better ideas! When he got to Common Avenue the scene which awaited him shocked him. "Holy Bin Liners! The crew will never be able to take that lot. The lids can't close. It's against all regulations!"

"That's right DUST MAN! And the people will get so angry that they will write to the Daily Mail. And then the Government will ban wheelie bins". It was Dr XS. So that was his game. If wheelie bins were banned DUST MAN would have nowhere to change into his outfit. He couldn't change in a bin liner. There was even less room for him to move. "You'll never get away with this XS! For I know that the garden waste team are coming down this road today. You will see the power of teamwork. And the new bottle bank opens this afternoon. Give it up, XS!"

"Never! Your friends might save you this time DUST MAN, but I shall return to have my revenge".

The crisis was averted. The depot was back to normal. "Begging you for mercy!" wailed Steve. "Yes" thought Dave "it's back to normal."

Na Na Nana Nanna Na Na Nana Nanna Na Na Nanna DUST MAN!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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